How the heck does the world watch soccer?!?!

Or should I say listen to it! It's that constant noise of those fucking horns! Sounds like a swarm of giant bees buzzing! What an annoying thing to listen to! It never stops!


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Look at it this way: It's all because of the hobos.

RidingFool's picture
  1. You've got a nation taking over every white-owned and -managed piece of land in the country. Damn those Boers who've been there for 350 years or so.
  2. You turn the land over to the native population to manage, because, you know, they deserve it.
  3. Everyone becomes suddenly unemployed because most of them couldn't run a piss-up in a brewery and the properties, including vast tracts of farmland, become immediately unmanageable. Imagine that.
  4. All that unemployment leads to mass busking in the streets, thus we have the vuvela's constant non-stop cacaphony of music to thine ears, played by all of those hobos.
  5. If only those nasty Boers hadn't landed on South Africa's shores so long ago, we'd have peace, order, good government and quiet solitude.

Or something.


Well, if the Boers had bothered to educate the Africans....

TheWreck's picture

....maybe things wouldn't be in this particular handbasket, heading for Hades.

While this goes to show that a democracy doesn't work simply because you plop democracy into the middle of a society, the Boers preferred to keep the blacks as a subjugated race slated to do all of the menial work.  When you aren't educated to perform leadership responsibilities, it's rather ingenuous to criticize you if you don't perform those responsibilities adequately.  There are only so many "natural leaders" in a population.

Perhaps things should have been left to fester even longer, so that when it finally boiled over, the streets would run red with blood?




Button button where is the button?

gamerarocks's picture

It's the mute button.  Probably located somewhere in the vicinity of the reply button.  No wonder you can't find it. 

One out of four people is freakishly stupid. If three of your friends are normal, then it's you.



Coaster's picture

HAHAHAHA(cough, wheeeeze)HA!

If the USA wins today they advance in the World Cup

Dan_in_Cincinnati's picture

Their game is 10AM eastern time today against Mighty Algeria.  Yes Algeria.  They have yet to score a goal in the World Cup.

I almost feel sorry for England.  They want to win so badly.  This seems unlikely given the rather listless way that England has been muddling through so far.  The English public is highly distressed by this state of affairs.  They think they should win just becaue they invented the game.  The Brit press has been merciless in criticizing the players.

Because of all this the English players have been very nervous and have been playing basically not to lose.  They also play today at 10AM Eastern time versus Slovenia.  They would also advance with a win.  I don't like their chances.

Two teams will advance out of the group the USA is in.  Here is a good summary of the results so far from the BBC:

If you are like me (basically ignorant of soccer subtleties) you might want to check out one of the blogs online that describe the soccer "action" as it takes place.  The English media outlets will of course be covering England.  Not sure who, if anyone, will be blogging the USA since the two games will be going on at the same time.

{;-) Dan in Miami



ESPN radio has the USA World Cup game

Dan_in_Cincinnati's picture

You can get the internet version of it here with commercial interuptions:

{;-) Dan in Miami

USA wins its division!!!!

Dan_in_Cincinnati's picture

Holy crap Batman, what kind of heart stopping and sometimes comical game was that versus an inspired Algeria?  Winning in almost the last minute?  I might have to be sedated for the next USA game if they continue to play like this!

Congrats to England on their win today.  Perhaps they are now back to form?

{;-) Dan in Miami


Who.. W-Wha? Who one what game(s)?

TMundo's picture

I don't know a thing about sports and with free agency I can just about keep up with who's on what team and still don't get how people can get behind a team who's players will gladly step to the opposing side for a paycheck the following season but since soccer is supposed to generously transcend all of that due to the world-like image it pushes not necessarily through fault of its own though nevertheless in america 'world' means 'love everyone' and basically the world cup means the love-everyone cup in american pop-culture shortened for convenience into, "The Love Cup," and since, "The Love Cup," is really just a euphanism for horny black folks takin' over the nation with 'their sex' ruinin' everything for the rest of us becuase whites don't commit sexual acts when they reproduce, well, they do but just not in a dirty way like the blacks do basically I advocate boycotting the world cup do to it's severe racial implications.

So. There.

Apparently you don't know anything about being sober either

Dan_in_Cincinnati's picture

Wow Mr T.  That was an excessively rambling bit of incoherence that exceeded even your usual  standards of craziness. 

As they say in the ghetto:  put down the pipe.

{;-) Dan in Miami


I'm afraid

RidingFool's picture

I'm with Mr.T on this one. I'm drunk all the time, and I don't get it either. On the other hand, my Love Cup runneth over.

May a camel leave its cunt in your love cup

Rajah's picture

Blessings from Rajah Sage of the East

As a man who has spent some time hanging around camels,

RidingFool's picture

I can tell you that you don't want any of those creatures anywhere near your Love Cup. On the other hand, if you're crossing a desert, you might want to think about taking along a female that has been nursing in order that you have something to drink on those long treks between water holes.


US fans go bonkers after win over Algeria

Dan_in_Cincinnati's picture

It was a very exciting game.  I didn't even watch it, but was listening on ESPN radio while reading the Guardian live blog.  What a gut wrenching experience.  Both teams missed shots that you would think a reasonably coordinated 10 year old could have made.  They did this over and over.  Then the US had yet another goal nullified over a dubious call.

Finally the USA scores the only goal of the game in overtime?  Hollywood wouldn't even try to write a script like that.  The US fans in South Africa went nuts and celebrated for over an hour.  Who wouldn't?  From 


Soccer may be the only sport left that allows us to be exuberantly and guiltlessly patriotic, which is perhaps why some progressives have trouble supporting the U.S. team. We can get away with such outpourings of nationalism because, in soccer, we're not a superpower. Imagine dressing up like Captain America and screaming your head off at a USA-Algeria basketball game. Not cool. But American soccer fans do scream. They bedeck themselves in flags and elaborate costumes. A national team game now looks like a cross between Carnival and a Revolutionary War re-enactment. And, thanks to Landon Donovan, Tim Howard, Clint Dempsey, and the rest of the U.S. national team, this wacky party will roll through South Africa for at least a few more days.

{;-) Dan in Miami

PS:  The main attraction for me with the World Cup has been the drama.  I'm not much of a flag waver.  




Ghana beats USA 2-1 in World Cup

Dan_in_Cincinnati's picture

The better team won.  The USA was able to do very little against Ghana in the first half.  Once again Altidore failed to impress.  He had only the goalie to beat in the first half and still muffed yet another shot.  The USA will need to develop some strikers who know how to score.

Then they need to figure out how to stop the opposing team from scoring early in the game.  The US players were gutsy and worked very hard in this tournament but they just aren't good enough yet to beat the best teams.

Also Soccer has some of the worst rules of any sport.  They seem to be designed to prevent scoring during regular time.  Americans will never embrace this game until the rules are changed to encourage scoring.

{;-) Dan in Miami



Forget about us developing strikers

Coaster's picture

This country is pretty much anti-union these days.





Sorry.  There's a little bit of Raj in all of us.

Speak for yourself

gamerarocks's picture

and anyway, making it through the group stage is as the players will tell you the goal they set, and they achieved it.  Wah wah strikers, wah wah Ricardo Clark, wah wah referees, wah wah vuvuzelas.  Donovan said it best when, to paraphrase him, he said that the team wants to show what's best about Americans and not worry about what obsticles they have to overcome and to get the job done.  Too bad the fans don't share his and the teams feelings.

John Harkes needs to have his freaking tongue removed and his lips sown shut.  Worst analyst in the history of the sport, including Tommy Smyth.  He managed to show the world or at least those who watched he's on the same abysmal par with Tim McCarver.  Alexi Lalas wasn't much better, but by comparison he came across as brilliant enough to be a top flight manager.  I feel badly for the excellent British announcers ESPN brought in, especially with Harkes.  At least the Brits brought flair and understanding to the commentary.

One out of four people is freakishly stupid. If three of your friends are normal, then it's you.


Take your ball and go home, Dan, at least

RidingFool's picture

until the rules are changed. Now there's a good example of game-losing sportsmanship.

The US players as a group did well

Dan_in_Cincinnati's picture

They worked their tails off and also got lucky a few times.

To improve Soccer they should allow unlimited substitutions just like in the NFL.  Get rid of the offsides rule.  If someone is injured on the field call a time out and substitute for him.  Video replays of contested refereeing calls should be allowed, just like in US football.  This would reduce some of the sucky refereeing problems.

Allowing unlimited substitutions would actually speed up the game because you would have players with fresh legs coming in the game all the time.  If you get rid of the offsides rule fewer goals would be disallowed, plus it would make it possible to make long passes down the field for scores.  Sort of like the long TD pass in US football.  It might be better to have fewer players on the field.  This would create more open space.  Instead of 11 players how about 7 or 8? 

Right now Soccer is a great participant sport but does not have enough scoring to keep the fans interested.  At least not in the USA.  If you didn't play the game the subtleties will be lost on you.  

{;-) Dan in Miami 

If you get rid of the offside rules

Critico's picture

You woud have a striker right next to the goalkeeper at all times, and the games will have 50 goals scored.

Thank you Critico

Dan_in_Cincinnati's picture

Unlike our frozen friends to the north you made a valuable comment.  After nearly going blind trying to read the offsides rule at Wikipedia I would like to quote an old German saying:  "Too complicated is stupid."  The offsides rule has so many moving parts that no one really understands it.  Or can figure out how to apply it.

A simple suggestion is called for here.  Basketball has a much simpler and more easily understood rule called the 3 second rule.  You are only allowed to stay in the painted area under the basketball goal for 3 seconds at a time if you are an offensive player.  Defensive players can stay there all night if they want to.  

The same thing could be done in Soccer.  Offensive players would only be allowed in the area near the goal for a certain period of time and then they would have to get out of there.

That way you could still have the long bomb offensive play in Soccer without having the silly situation you sometimes have in US football with the end of the game Hail Mary pass.  You have probably seen it.  About 10 people are congregated in the end zone and when the pass gets there it turns into a Volleyball game with people tipping the ball all over the place.

Someone tell me what's wrong with this idea?

{;-) Dan in Miami


You need to think outside the box...

Coaster's picture

To improve soccer, they should use a spiked ball.  

Spiked Ball

This would add some much needed excitement that dull-ass sport.

Boring sports don't need new equipment .....

Rajah's picture

just better use of what they got. Take baseball for instance, the batter throws his bat away after hitting the ball. He should keep that bat with him as he runs around the bases. Someone tries to tag him out he can just "BAM! No you're out!". And in golf you have a set of clubs yet do they ever club someone to death with them? Both sports would be much more competitive that way. Now soccer could be greatly improved if they made it more like the Mayan ball game. Facing a beheading after the game would add alot of drama.

Problem with the Mayan Rules....

TheWreck's picture

Rajah - you need to clarify.  If you used the Mayan Rules, would it be just the 11 guys on the field at the time the game ended, or would the entire squad have to go?  In any event, the travelling team would need a 747 to cart all the members - especially if you weren't a very good team to begin with.


I would watch the hell out

Wulfgar's picture

I would watch the hell out of any sport that used Mayan Rules. Mayan Rules Soccer, Mayan Rules baseball,Mayan Rules tetherball, Mayan Rules synchronized swimming...awww, hell yeah.




~There ain't no Devil, just God when He's drunk.~


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