I bought tickets to a Maylay island for my imbecile, incoherent son, and for me. *** spoiler alert ***

As a result, I was able to observe the following:

  1. D-wayne Johnson's misplaced, drooping nipples caused by his pec implants.
  2. Some hawt Maylay chick's sweaty, heaving bosom. Unfortunately, she was so trussed up that there were no nip slips. Obviously, Breast Factor = 0.
  3. I was subjected to a long, interminable scene during which time D-wayne was bouncing food off of his pecs while flexing to some jungle tune. I suspect he was trying to impress the hawt Maylay chick, but I can't prove it. She was probably sitting on the director's lap, ignoring D-wayne. That must be why he allowed the flexing to go on for so long.
  4. Michael Caine was drunk throughout the entire movie - even the preview I watched weeks earlier.
  5. The imbecilic, idiotic person who played D-wayne's dunce of a step-child is a slack-jawed moron possibly related to Dog, the bounty hunter's drunken slut of a daughter.
  6. Luis Guzman is a fine actor.
  7. The turbine helicopter had the range extender installed, an obvious requirement for a long-distance flight across the vast and uninhabitable Pacific Ocean to an unknown place. However, the carb heat instrumentation was overdoing it just a tad.
  8. It's all about the bees!



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Wulfgar's picture

So where was Captain Nemo?



~There ain't no Devil, there's just God when He's drunk.~


I strongly recommend

RidingFool's picture

that you purchase a ticket and find out. Unfortunately, I didn't stay until the end, so I can't say if the Cap'n made an appearance. If he did, it was probably Michael Caine in drag. Or Luis Guzman. Or D-wayne.

You have a son?!?!

Rajah's picture

 Rajah didn't know this thing

No. Lets call it journalistic* freedom of expression.

RidingFool's picture

Or just plain lying**.


* I am not now, nor have I ever claimed to be, a journalist.

** I have, however, told many lies.

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