I bought tickets to a Maylay island for my imbecile, incoherent son, and for me. *** spoiler alert ***
As a result, I was able to observe the following:
- D-wayne Johnson's misplaced, drooping nipples caused by his pec implants.
- Some hawt Maylay chick's sweaty, heaving bosom. Unfortunately, she was so trussed up that there were no nip slips. Obviously, Breast Factor = 0.
- I was subjected to a long, interminable scene during which time D-wayne was bouncing food off of his pecs while flexing to some jungle tune. I suspect he was trying to impress the hawt Maylay chick, but I can't prove it. She was probably sitting on the director's lap, ignoring D-wayne. That must be why he allowed the flexing to go on for so long.
- Michael Caine was drunk throughout the entire movie - even the preview I watched weeks earlier.
- The imbecilic, idiotic person who played D-wayne's dunce of a step-child is a slack-jawed moron possibly related to Dog, the bounty hunter's drunken slut of a daughter.
- Luis Guzman is a fine actor.
- The turbine helicopter had the range extender installed, an obvious requirement for a long-distance flight across the vast and uninhabitable Pacific Ocean to an unknown place. However, the carb heat instrumentation was overdoing it just a tad.
- It's all about the bees!