It's about this time of yeah that Rajah starts itchin' to ride the rails...

What's the word?'s a little cold outside, and even though rajah's got work in his own town, how fun it might be if he hopped a box-car to the next town over and tried his services with the folks down yonder.  Not a job he could work 9-5, no that just wouldn't do, but a job where he could perform his services once fer some quick cash, enough for some dinner and a bottle of thunderbird, yes, that'll hit thee ole spot.  See how many folk would be opt to see his game, until services become fully rendered and then it's off to ride the rails once more...

What's the price? get a chance to really see america, and to grab her by the grassroots, and yank some of america up, and see what she really tastes like.  Mmmmmmm....america tastes good.  At this time of year, when rajah hear's the 5 o'clock come a'chuggin down the western edge of his hometown he begins to itch, and to feel the old habit come a'callin'.  As he passes the liquor store he sees a few bottles of t-bird lined up behind the cashier's counter, alon with a few mad-dog 20/20's and a couple bottles of wild irish rose as well.  Rajah quickly goes through his pockets only to find that his wallet is full of 100 dollar bills.  (Sigh)  this just won't do.  He promply calls his dealer and scores a few bags of sniff, that along with some high maintenance call girls would fix this issue for sure.  By the next morning rajah has nothing but a few coins in his left sock, and it's time to hit the store, and then ride the rails to a freedom only true americans know and have yet begun top understand.

The freedom of the hobo, the freedom of rajah.


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While Rajah is out there riding the rails

RidingFool's picture

I'm stuck at home wearing the wheels off of my shopping cart.

The only wild irish Rose I ever had was this sweet thing I encountered in a boxcar on the Soo line.

There is no justice.

Your picture of the open road is quite misleading...

TMundo's picture

...shouldn't you replace it with a shopping cart?  Tha'd actually be kinda funny, if you had someone pushing you in the cart.

From where I sit the Depression is on full blast

Rajah's picture

Soon the country will be full of hobos!

Tonight I roam the tracks looking for prey

My Dark Conductor speaks to me

I must fulfill a NEED but I  have to follow the Rules of Ernest

First : Don't get caught

My baseball bat feels good in my hand

Soon I'll hear that satisfying "THUD THUD THUD!!!" of bat meating skull


Ernest Borgnine raised me from a wee lad

Rajah's picture

He found me in boxcar where a band of hobos had brutally killed and raped my mother

She was a christain woman who gave sponge baths the hobos as an act of charity

Ernest knew when he found me that he couldn't cure me of my murderous rage against hobos so he trained me.

He prefered the three pound sledgehammer for his hobo killing but I had a fondness for baseball bats, to each his own.

Ernest taught me how to track the elusive hobo and to clean up after meself. Neatness is most important! He hated sloppy work.

We'd take our dead hobos to the local dog food factory but now the cops have discovered where the meat was coming from. A glass eye turned up in a can of Alpo.

Now I have to find another place to take the meat.

Prehaps McDonald's?

TMundo, that's because

RidingFool's picture

that's my summer Avatar. My winter avatar is quite different.

Ummm, are you an aussie nowadays?

TMundo's picture

...I can't keep up with this stuff.

As far as YOU know, he is.

Wally_Pipp's picture


Best regards, Wally

What's wrong with being an Aussie?

a_dingo_ate_my_baby's picture

Australia is proud of being founded on prison values, such values having been appropriated by a country such as America to imprison it's own citizens and residents and ship them off to foreign lands. One day, Australia hopes that America too will cease to be a prison-centric population and declare itself to be a free and just nation. This will not be easy for America to do, given that on a per-capita basis America has many more people in prison than any other country in the world.

I for one am berry berry proud that Australia no longer allows a foreign country to deport and imprison citizens on the Australian homeland. Perhaps one day your country too will mature into a respected, responsible and trusted member of the world community, one that recognizes that imprisoning people without charge or access to lawyers and a court is not to be tolerated for more than a couple of presidential terms.

Wait a sec, I got nothin against Aussies...

TMundo's picture

     ...I just thought RF was canadian, and then I thought it was the open road that was his home. Now it seems I'm being lead to believe that RF prefers a shopping cart when getting around Austrialia?

Australians are also known for drunken, incoherent ramblings.

RidingFool's picture

Especially when they're sober.

Wow, you can really write.

Alone_Again's picture

If you used your powers for good instead of eeeevil ya prolly would have a job.


FYI certain artists like Fred Eaglesmith, do a riding the rails kind of thing. Pretty cool---google away.........

There used to be this little place in Port Arthur

RidingFool's picture

that had the best Scandinavian food ever. Was that in the Finlandia? I can't remember, but I think probably it was someplace else and closer to downtown.

Mr. Chinese still hands out a consistantly good feed too. The Chinoise that waited my table was a real sweetheart and I'd like to take her home, but she has some difficulty walking with bound feet.

Edited for tents.


Were you a'talkin to me?

TMundo's picture

...or RF?

I was making a rather silly and frivolous attempt at emulating some sort of old classic american literature.  Although I think that was the part of school were I wasn't paying attention.  Brave New World was the only book I recall from high school that was a real page turner.

In college some proffessors were actually able to dig into the classics (mostly european) and make something of them, well, moreso than I remember from high-school.

Anyway, someone had posted an article on the old site about riding the rails.  A man that was a rather successful lawyer had stated that at one time he was a hobo, and that every now and then he itches for the free-wind lifestyle of riding the rails.  Of course being that he was rich at this point, that might actually be somewhat fun considering he could walk over to an ATM if he ever ran out of money.

Mundo, it's hard to tell who's talking to who in here.

RidingFool's picture

But that's all right too. I take it all with a grain of salt and try not to be too serious.

I think one of the trolls on the old site got Riding Fool ...

Rajah's picture

confused with Throwing Muses, so now he's an aussie

Riding Fool lives whereever the Witness Protection Program sends him

Oh yeah, I recall that somewhere...

TMundo's picture in the synapses of cranky.  No, RF is RF, and that avatar says on the lam to me.  "Well that's what I think!" quotes dice In any case... blah blah HA!


Riding Fool liked that crack Mia made

Rajah's picture

Calling him an elderly gentleman

God, I miss her

His avatar reminds me of that Gordon Lightfoot song ...

Rajah's picture

Carefree Highway. Could Gordon be a hobo?


TMundo's picture

oh! crack! as in ha ha, he made quite the crack on her, when he insulted her improper use of the baking soda freebase compound, because only an amature wouldn't ash in the dick first.

ummmmm wha'd I just say?

I trust you are all familiar with the 700 Hobo names?

beer radley's picture

From John Hodgeman, author, Daily Show contributor and the personification of the PC in Apple ads.

800 of 700 hoboes have been illustrated. 1698 total illustrations.The live dramatic reading of the 700 names is no longer up. Too bad. It was great.

I e-mailed Mia about joining us in the new Crankyland

Rajah's picture

Hope she will someday

You and me both. Just where

RidingFool's picture

is mia_wallace these days? Is she a girl in Guam? Is she lost in a dark museum? Has she found her match with a gentleman who is not elderly?

What's the scoop? Inquiring minds need to know these things.

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