It's here. It's lookin' good. I'm hot to trot to see it tomorrow afternoon!

Weep, bitches.

We didn't cross the border. The border crossed us!

Now tell me, after watching that trailer, what's not to like? Oh, and Coaster, I think I just found my new Harley. It's the one with the mini-gun strapped to the handlebars. 6,000 rounds and not a minute too soon.


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Machete don't text.

RidingFool's picture

Story: none.

Plot: none.

Brainer: no.

Sense: it doesn't make any.

Acting: there isn't any.

Action: oh yeah, baby!

Camp factor: extremely high. Cheech Marin, Lindsay Lohan, Don Johnson, Danny Trejo - you know how it goes.

It does have a lot of laughs, sight jokes and in jokes for those who have ever experienced life along a southern border state. Religion takes a few hits along the way too. For me it had more laughs and snickers than a barrel full of monkeys, but I'm kind of simple-minded.

If you can get to see it at a discount theater, it might be worth it.

It stars Danny Trejo as a guy named Machete

Coaster's picture

and lots of stuff blows up. 

Dude, you couldn't keep me away from this film with a court order.   I am so seeing this today.   I'm taking my wife with me seeing as how she's in Branson with me.  I'm telling her "Riding Fool said it's like 'The Other Side of the Mountain'" 'cause she likes that weepy Lifetime/Family Channel/Oxygen shit and hates violence. 

You may want to stay away from my place for a while...


The Other Side of the Mountain is one of my faves!

Rajah's picture

Poor girl paralized by a skiing accident. She and Beau Bridges had some muskrat love going on there. Too bad she had to be put to sleep at the end.

Does Machete have some tear jerking scenes in it? Rajah loves those!

It's not pronounched 'Mashete'. It's 'Machete'. Get it right.

RidingFool's picture

This thing has more tears than an hour-long television show for orphan-adoption in the former Belgian Congo.

When Danny Trejo's mother gets mistaken for a Mexican national and is kidnapped and taken prisoner for ransom by El Quaida operatives, he goes over the top (and the bottom) to find out who is responsible.

I was particularly touched by the 21-year-old female midget wrestling triplets who were attempting to cross the border - "We didn't cross the border. The border crossed us!" - and who ended up in a cage match on Linda McMahon's wrestling extravaganza. It was so obvious that all three of them had been mercilessly taken advantage of by promotors for the show.

Oh, and one question, Coaster: where in the world does that cell phone come from?

Tears are not enough.

Female midget wrestlers

Rajah's picture


I hope I didn't spoil Machete for everyone

RidingFool's picture

- especially Coaster and the missus - by giving away too many spoilers.

My apologies.

My son and I LOVED Machete, and my wife didn't hate it.

Coaster's picture

We laughed our asses off at all the over the top stuff.  Damn, this movie was a lot of fun. 

Foo's criticism was spot on.


If you're looking for laughs, we also highly recommend "The Other Guys." This has got to be the best movie Will Farell has ever made. I predict comedy classic status for this one.

Coaster this is like asking why is the color blue so darned blue

Dan_in_Cincinnati's picture

But can you tell me what was funny about "The Other Guys"?  Physical humor maybe?  Or silly situations perhaps?  Maybe even comical references to other movies?


{;-) Dan in Miami


Tough question because humor is so sujective

Coaster's picture

And it's also difficult because I don't want to ruin any of the gags for you.  My oh so sophisticated wife says The Other Guys is full of stupid humor done well.  I would compare it to Airplane!.  

It was also a knock on buddy cop movies, though that aspect was probably not done as well as was Airplane! for disaster movies.  The title itself refers to those ordinary work-a-day cops not featured as the supercops in those buddy cop movies. 

I also think you'll see a similarity between the playing of the back story of one of the main characters in The Other Guys and the playing of Ted Striker's back story in Airplane! (The disastrous mission over Macho Grande).  Either Adam McKay ripped of Airplane! or he was payin homage.  You decide.  Either way, it served The Other Guys well.  

Let us know what you think. 

CAUTION: Critico says my taste in movies sucks. 

The "Airplane" formula has been done to death

Rajah's picture

Everytime I see it again I don't laugh I groan

That's Hollywood, take an original idea and run it into the ground

Knowing Coaster's taste is dependant on knowing his 5 rules...

TMundo's picture

...I suppose I can say that I enjoy only about 2 of his rules.  But I'm more into as backward mindfuck films.  Robert Rodriguez really had a flop with that Once Upon a Time in Mexico flic, so I'm wondering, is this better or worse than that, because that was a terrible film.


Lindsey Lohan?  Is she back?

We hope so, I was impressed with how well she was doing in movies and music, although that can be a recipe for overexposure which can lead to noo career.  Maybe things will work out well for her in the end.

I tried The Other Guys this week. Fortunately, I paid only 3$.

RidingFool's picture

When the two main characters were on-screen, I felt that they were actually in two separate locations, spliced together thanks to a green-screen background. In other words, no chemistry. No math either.

Consequently, I didn't think those two were the right two for this job. The material was good, but the entire movie just didn't feel right. It felt off-kilter by a notch or two.

On the other hand, I got popcorn and iodized salt in my diet for another 3$, so it wan't a complete loss. Another bonus: I didn't get to bring home any bed bugs. So far.

Trailer Park Boys

RidingFool's picture

Now that's funny! It's all about the clearing stick. (The link is slow to load.)

The subtitle of their second movie:

FearlessFreep's picture

Countdown to Liquor Day


I feel I must apologize to Coaster and the Missus

RidingFool's picture

The spray-tan guyfor printing so many spoilers concerning Machete. I therefore heartily recommend that he take the Missus to Morning Glory to attone for the error of my ways.

What's not to like about a movie were Harry Ford can be seen with a darker complexion than the spray-tan guy? I'm tellin' ya, Callie's inner thighs have got to be blacker than Toby's ass by the time that old bugger finally comes up for a breath of fresh air. Does anyone think he took the part because of the genus Calystegia?

Not to be outdone in the "old man with a limp dick" department, Diane Keaton is also there in all her wrinkled glory. Isn't she like, 99, 100, or something? Time has not been kind to her, probably because of not enough spray tan being available. Plastic surgery isn't an option for these people?

I have no idea who the rest of the cast is. Well, okay, there was this one guy flitting about like a fly, but he doesn't count. And there was a white girl with a nice ass...

Yeah, what's up with Keaton these days?

Rajah's picture

I use to really gronk her now she's all old and stuff

Ford ain't looking too chipper lately either

Guess his action hero days are over

Rachel McAddams is mighty cute!

Rajah, now you've got me curious

Coaster's picture

How the hell did your post end up in the Machete forum?

* looks around warily *

RidingFool's picture

There's a Morning Glory forum?

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