Machete

Story: none.

Plot: none.

Brainer: no.

Sense: it doesn't make any.

Acting: there isn't any.

Action: oh yeah, baby!

Camp factor: extremely high. Cheech Marin, Lindsay Lohan, Don Johnson, Danny Trejo - you know how it goes.

It does have a lot of laughs, sight jokes and in jokes for those who have ever experienced life along a southern border state. Religion takes a few hits along the way too. For me it had more laughs and snickers than a barrel full of monkeys, but I'm kind of simple-minded.

If you can get to see it at a discount theater, it might be worth it.

and lots of stuff blows up. 

Dude, you couldn't keep me away from this film with a court order.   I am so seeing this today.   I'm taking my wife with me seeing as how she's in Branson with me.  I'm telling her "Riding Fool said it's like 'The Other Side of the Mountain'" 'cause she likes that weepy Lifetime/Family Channel/Oxygen shit and hates violence. 

You may want to stay away from my place for a while...

This thing has more tears than an hour-long television show for orphan-adoption in the former Belgian Congo.

When Danny Trejo's mother gets mistaken for a Mexican national and is kidnapped and taken prisoner for ransom by El Quaida operatives, he goes over the top (and the bottom) to find out who is responsible.

I was particularly touched by the 21-year-old female midget wrestling triplets who were attempting to cross the border - "We didn't cross the border. The border crossed us!" - and who ended up in a cage match on Linda McMahon's wrestling extravaganza. It was so obvious that all three of them had been mercilessly taken advantage of by promotors for the show.

Oh, and one question, Coaster: where in the world does that cell phone come from?

Tears are not enough.

- especially Coaster and the missus - by giving away too many spoilers.

My apologies.

We laughed our asses off at all the over the top stuff.  Damn, this movie was a lot of fun. 

Foo's criticism was spot on.

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If you're looking for laughs, we also highly recommend "The Other Guys." This has got to be the best movie Will Farell has ever made. I predict comedy classic status for this one.

Now that's funny! It's all about the clearing stick.

tinyurl.com/2g4mfmt (The link is slow to load.)

for printing so many spoilers concerning Machete. I therefore heartily recommend that he take the Missus to Morning Glory to attone for the error of my ways.

What's not to like about a movie were Harry Ford can be seen with a darker complexion than the spray-tan guy? I'm tellin' ya, Callie's inner thighs have got to be blacker than Toby's ass by the time that old bugger finally comes up for a breath of fresh air. Does anyone think he took the part because of the genus Calystegia?

Not to be outdone in the "old man with a limp dick" department, Diane Keaton is also there in all her wrinkled glory. Isn't she like, 99, 100, or something? Time has not been kind to her, probably because of not enough spray tan being available. Plastic surgery isn't an option for these people?

I have no idea who the rest of the cast is. Well, okay, there was this one guy flitting about like a fly, but he doesn't count. And there was a white girl with a nice ass...

I use to really gronk her now she's all old and stuff

Ford ain't looking too chipper lately either

Guess his action hero days are over

Rachel McAddams is mighty cute!