The Power of Oprah compels you!

 

This week Oprah Winfrey was removed from the Cross due to her refusal to host the Trophy Vice on her syndicated daytime talk show.  As many of you will remember, Winfrey replaced Jesus on the Cross back in 1996 when she commanded her followers to not eat beef.  This recent move came as a shock due to the churches adamant stance back then that they expected "Winfrey to be on the cross twice as long as that Jesus fellow."  Initially the move had met with mixed success but during religious sweeps week in 1997 the Christian religion saw a 32% increase in market share with an even higher number expected next quarter.  Numbers like these haven't been achieved since the Spanish Inquisition.  However, it seems neither extra strong cross beams or fantastic ratings were enough to secure Oprah's place on the Cross.  The fallout began last week when Winfrey denied Trophy Vice access to her couch but had hosted The One prior to the start of the campaign season.  Still despite Winfrey's logical answer on why TV would not be able to grok with Oprah the religious right was still angry.  In a move to appease the right Ms. Winfrey was immediately removed by the Church.  The question now remains who will be the new face on the Cross?  Followers of the Trophy Vice have started an aggressive campaign to get her as the replacement which is a bit ironic considering the attacks they leveled on The One.  When asked for comment Winfrey simply stated "On November 5th I'll be back on top...beyotch!"

 


7 Comments

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1

Easy for you to say.

RidingFool's picture

Isn't it?

WATCHMEEXPLODE's picture
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Excuse me, but

RidingFool's picture

are you Australian?

Oprah is so rich, she's white. Anyone can see that, plain as day.

The Orpah

Dano's picture

I'll never forget that Christmas when I walked in on my sweet, teary-eyed mother in law watching the Orpah show.  She was all weepy because some poor war orphans in Africa were opening the gifts that the Orpah had sent them: Nike Air Jordan sneakers.  No, I'm not kidding.

"The Orpah is such a wonderful person," ma wept.

I couldn't help wondering whether the rival tribe would shoot shoot the kids for the sneakers or just chop their feet off and walk off with them.  My guess is that as long as the check from Nike clears, the Orpah doesn't care.

"She could have sent food.  Or medicine.  Or more practical and durable footwear," I remarked.

"They get that from other charities!" snapped ma.  "This is about happiness."

Hapiness for the African war orphans.  Not so much for the Southeast Asian slave children who stitched the shoes together.  You know, I bet those kids would have preferred guns with which to defend themselves.  Better not mention it.  Don't want ma to short me on the pumpkin pie after dinner.  Still, the Orpah really is nothing but a pandering, hypocritical, pseudo-intellictual charlatan.  All flash and no substance.  Hey - who did she endorse for prez? ;)

C'mon now. Don't be such a Mr. Negative.

RidingFool's picture

Rich white people like to do good deeds for the underdogs. It makes them feel good about their insecurities.

Plus, you sold out for pie. Damn you to hell for that!

I'm no fan of Oprah's

Rajah's picture

So why the fuck should I care who she does or doesn't have on her show? I don't watch her show but I'm sure she's not one of the news people. She's not really obligated to have that Palin bitch on her show and you should thank her. The more Palin opens her stupid mouth the worse it gets. So let her talk on Oprah or whatever. It would be one phoney talking to another phoney. I'm puzzled why the Repubics would want her to do any interviews.

Raj, the debate betwixt the two veeps should be quite a show.

RidingFool's picture

I'll be watching it for the pure entertainment value alone.

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