Haven't done one of these in a while. (All quotes are from the same movie.)
"Now I want you to take a step back... and literally fuck your own face!"
"I don't read the script. The script reads me."
"Goodbye mama, now you can have ice cream in heavan! I'll see you again tonight when I go to bed in my head movies. But this head movie makes my eyes rain!"
"You're the last piece of the puzzle buddy. We need you! Your men need you. Are you with us?" [pause] "I'm a rooster illusion."
"You grew hands?"
"We're supposed to be a unit!" "Suck my unit."
"I need some dudes who speak American, goddammit! He's making a fucking sweater here, I'm tryin' to put Tiger Balm on this jungle's nuts."
"I couldn't have done it without you." "Really?" "No, dickhead. Of course I could. A nutless monkey could do your job. Now, go get drunk and take credit at all the parties."
"Alpa, if you untie me, I will literally suck your dick, right now.... I'll cradle the balls, stroke the shaft, work the pipe, and swallow the gravy."
"You make my pee-pee maker t-t-tingle."
"Same thing happened to me when I played Neil Armstrong in Moonshot. They found me in an alley in Burbank trying to re-enter the earth's atmosphere in an old refrigerator box."
"Mother Nature just pissed her pantsuit!"
"I don't know what it's called; I only know the sound it makes when it LIES!"
"S_______ is a dying star. A white dwarf headed for a black hole. That's physics. It's inevitable.
"Somebody close to you said: 'One more flop, and it's over.'" [pause] "Somebody said they were close to me?"
"Oh, wait! I got a better idea. Instead of a hundred million, how about I send you a hobo's dick cheese?"
"Now the one man who made a difference five times before... is about to make a difference again, only this time it's different."
"Yo asshole! This motha' fucka's dead. Ain't no Chris Angel Mindfreak, David Blane trapdoor horse shit jumpin' off here!"
"I know what dude I am. I'm the dude playin' the dude, disguised as another dude!"
"Man, I don't drop character 'till I done the DVD commentary."
"I wrote the book as a tribute! I'm a patriot!" "Yeah, you're the Milli Vanilli of patriots, OK?"
"You more shredded than a Julienne salad, man."
"I don't wanna die like Hendrix man!"
"Action Jackson can't cry, that's what's going down.... We'll get to Chinese New Year waitin' for my man to cry."
"You spank that ass, Les!"
"You! Hit that director in the face, really fucking hard!"
"How the hell do you know Chinese?" "LAND OF SILK AND MONEY with Gong Li. Second Globe, third Oscar. I prepped for that one by working in a Beijing textile factory for eight months."
"Now, let's go get those Viet Congs!" "Viet Cong!... You wouldn't say 'Chineses...'"
"Cockburn, from now on my fist is going to be so far up your shithole that every time you have a thought, it's gonna have to tiptoe past my wedding ring..."
"Look, fuckstick, I'm incredibly busy. So why don't you get the hell out of here before I snap your dick off and jam it into your ass..."
"Let's make lemonade."
"He's right, you know? I'm NOT Sergeant Lincoln Osiris... nor am I Father O'Mallie... or Neil Armstrong... I--I think I might be nobody."
"I've been a bad boy, father."
"Let's move! We only have 16 hours before they wake up!"
"Time to man up. And I ain't gonna sugarcoat. Some of us might not even make it back." "What do you mean? Like, not on the same flight?"
"Who in crikey fuck is Half Squat?"
"I'm just fucking with you, Kangaroo Jack! I'm sorry a dingo ate your baby." "You know that's a true story? Lady lost her kid. You're about to cross some fuckin' lines."
"Where is your farm... AMERICAN?" "My farm? Here's my mothafuckin' farm! [pulls out guns and starts firing and whooping] I'm a lead farmer, mothafucka!"
"Spanking a child turns him into a snot. Fear, that's what makes him a man."
"Wow. You're a great American. This nation owes you a huge debt. Now shut the fuck up and let me do my job!"
"You tell the world what happened here." "What happened here?" "I don't know, but you need to tell them."
"Just say no to this, you drug-making midget!" "He blinded Jamie Lee Curtis!" "Almost!" "They're bustin' caps like a muthafucka down there.... This is F.U.B.A.R. I say we juice 'em, what do you think?" "Juice 'em." "Big ass titties!"
"He ain't acting like God. He being judged by him."
"You can't be serious?" "You kick in the door to my house all ants in your pants, sucking my left nut to get a TiVo scrap for the 3rd runner-up 'sexiest man alive' 1998... And you're asking if I'm SERIOUS?"
"That is not true, you're not a screw-up, you make so many people laugh." "They only laugh at my farts."
"I got a baaaad feeling on this one there, Fats." "Our asses don't get fragged in this bullshit valley, first thing I'm doin' is payin' my two bucks so I can watch Brooklyn bust his cherry on a sweet little mama son's dinky-down poon-tang!"
"Listen you cherry fuck, you call in that snake'n nape and get us some boomboom now!"
"Want some? Get Some!"
"Let's face it, the kids aren't exactly dressing up as The Scorcher for Purim anymore. "
"I think I can spot--a prop head when I see one!... It's corn syrup, guys! Corn syrup and latex.... Warm--blood-flavored corn syrup."
"No you can't have any fuckin' jelly beans! You think you're the only one who gets uptight when he doesn't get his jellybeans?"
'He throws these words around. "Crisis", "explosion", "not rolling", "fired". These are just words.'