They look across our border with envious eyes!

Yeah, I'm talking about The Great White North! They envy our freedom, our well lubricated beaches and marsh and our women! Oh yesssss our women, they've grown tired of their husky brawny bearded women up north! And while the stroke their pet beavers they plan and plan. Soon the great hordes of sweaty ale gussling hairy men will invade and what is Obama doing about it? NOTHING!


Did you like this post? Vote Up or Down.

It has been my experience

elderly_gentleman's picture

that American girls sure do like Canadian boys.

Sounds like someone's been

gamerarocks's picture

to the beach down south and had trouble distinguishing between the beaches and those beached.

A marsh?  Yeah I'm sure the world is marsh envious.  Uh huh.

Me, I'll keep irritating the local redhead by gazing at the Great White North's Shania Twain.  Mmmm Mmmm Good

One out of four people is freakishly stupid. If three of your friends are normal, then it's you.


Hmmm, I don't know what to say...

TMundo's picture all seriousness, Canada sounds like a utopia, well, as close as it gets, except for the cold weather, which is the only thing stopping me from visiting the place.

Don't you believe a word of it!

RidingFool's picture
  1. Canada has so much poverty that the government had to implement "free" health care for all involved to prevent riots in the streets.
  2. There are so many guns and so much ammunition that a free fire zone has been declared within 50 miles of the U.S. border.
  3. The country has six months of winter and another six of bad sledding.
  4. Crime is rampant in order that people can steal enough money to fly south in th winter, thus #2.
  5. All the automobiles are foreign.
  6. All the traffic signs are in French.
  7. Canada drives on the left.
  8. A lot of the roads are gravel.
  9. There are no fast food restraunts as you know them.
  10. Poutine is rampant (see #1), and, finally,
  11. The biggest fuckin' beaver dam in the world!


Our oily beaches don't have severed feet washing up on them

Coaster's picture

So there!

Oh come on!

RidingFool's picture

The ocean beach only has a seven foot swell.


Reasons to visit America for free-dum loving Canadians:

RidingFool's picture

Paper tits!

A breaking news video from lamestream CNN. Quelle horreure! (Probably NSFW in some of the more lameass places in the world.)


How un-American: piñatas with uncovered breasts. What is the world coming to when children on their way to grandma's house, who have no doubt themselves been breast-fed, must view naked piñata breasts?

The final insult: The naked piñata breasts are blurred out. No doubt CNN doesn't want the viewers clogging up the website for a gander at those paper tits.


I love how she has to say pinatas with the perfect accent...

TMundo's picture

...I know its so that someone doesn't get offended, but it sounds ridiculous in context.

I don't know if you noticed, but

RidingFool's picture

one of the paper-titted piñatas had silver paint overtop the paper tits, and that was allowed to be shown in the video. What utter crap.

Reasons for heading south...

Mal_Content's picture

Jimmy Dean sausage.  I stock up every time I go to Bellingham.  Canadian sausage just doesn't cut it for biscuits and gravy.

My very hot Texan cousin, who's just moved to Seattle... 

Am I missing any other good reasons to visit the land of the free?  Nope, don't think so.

I can speak with some authority on this

Coaster's picture

We have awesome roller coasters. Also, our Mexican food is so good, Mexicans drive north to eat it.

Note that I don't recommend doing the first activitly listed too soon after second. 

Don't believe Coaster for a New York minute!

RidingFool's picture

He's big on Dippin' Dots - the ice cream of the future - and Mayfest hot dogs in Tulsa. I, on the other hand, can speak with some authority on the excellent quality of the fresh Mayfest limonada.


Comment viewing options

Select your preferred way to display the comments and click "Save settings" to activate your changes.