The Trouble with SPAM

kerbanika registered his handle this morning and proceeded to flood Cranky's with four Spams. Another person, Stephen (not verified), attempted to post a link in his anonymous handle, but was unsuccessful, as it led to a broken Yahoo address. The site is slow enough without having to slog though all this Spam.

It seems obvious to me that Cranky's is drawing the spammers because they want to raise the search engine profiles of the sites for which they are Spamming, and Cranky's as it is now set up provides an easy way for them to do that.  As you are aware, the way to raise the profile of a site on Google and other search engines is to have as many links as possible for the site whose profile you wish to raise listed on other Web sites. 

My suggestions:

  1. Revoke Kerbanika's handle.
  2. Ban Kerbanika's IP address.
  3. Trace Kerbanika's IP address to a physical location and have him whacked.  I know some people who know some people.....  Failing that, get that retard into a class for people learning English as a second language.
  4. Place a ban on new users posting links for the first 30 days of their Crankyland membership.
  5. Make it impossible for a non registered user to post a link in their anonymous handle. 
  6. Please do what you can to speed up this site.   I'll bet the slow speed of New Crankidonia is costing you many potential registered users and viewers.

Thanks for listening.  I appreciate what you do. 

---bn (AKA Coaster, Whooooeeee! and all that)



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Second all the above

Dan_in_Cincinnati's picture

{;-) Dan in Miami

Tell Rajah Kerbanika's a hobo

FearlessFreep's picture

Rajah will do the rest.

Spam is hobos

Rajah's picture

Grounded up hobos

They're used in Alpo dogfood too

The site is drowning in Spam

Dan_in_Cincinnati's picture

Yesterday my post about health care was queued for review.  Something is very wrong here.  The spam handles should be banned.  On the other hand only a few people are posting here.  How about if the 10-20 people posting here responsibly are given an automatic green light?  This site is close to dying.  I would hate that.  Plus think of all the hard work Jazzy and Mr. C and Hans have done.

{;-) Dan in Miami

PS:  I have a bad infestation of hobos at my place of work.  Rajah, do you travel outside of Georgia?

Jazzdrive and Dan: I don't think a handle ban will cure this

Coaster's picture

I've outlined some steps to be taken in a previous post. Now it seems this site has attracted the Chinese Spammers. You'll likely have to ban IP's to get them to stop. Also, I'd like to ask again that you limit the posting of hot links to handles that have been registered longer than 30 days.

Craigslist Discussion Boards had this same problem with likely these same Spammers. You may want to give the Craigslist bunch a call. It shouldn't be to difficult to find out what they did if you can reach them, as they have only about two dozen employees.

In addition to what Dan suggested, perhaps you would see fit to give a few of the regulars the power to instantly flush any Spam.

Thanks again.

What are they spambots or people?

Rajah's picture

Dan, contact a local dog food factory, they'll be glad to get the meat.

Slight change to the above suggestions

Coaster's picture


Please do away with unregistered posting. 

Yeah, I know it was to get new posters here

Rajah's picture

But I'm afraid it's not working. All this Spam will discourage new posters from wanting to post here. And could you do something about that dude posting all the hilarious Youtube links, he's really getting on my nerves!

I, too, agree with Coaster's suggestions.

HS's picture

As for how to get more frequent, regular posters (especially gurlz!), I am stumped.


How about it, Jazzy, or other Admins?

Coaster's picture

I'm not going to take the time to neg the Spams anymore.

I'd like to know what this site is going to do to reduce the Spam. Until countermeasures are taken, I doubt I'll be making any movie related posts, or any posts on anything other than the subject of Spam.

I know of at lest two other regulars who will be joining me in posting in only this forum until this site does something to control the Spams.

Mr. Skillet, and any other posters out there, would you consider joining us?

Happy to oblige, Mr. Coaster

HS's picture

Feh.  Or as Slater would say, Sweet. Buttered.  Christ.



I've joined by default.

michael3b's picture

Takes too long to find anything worth posting/responding to around here with all this seaweed gummin' up the beach.  Man I miss the beach..


PS Anybody know where I can get some Air Jordan's cheap?

The Spam Attack - Day 34

Coaster's picture

Still no reply or response from Site Administration. 

Jazzy said he is a workaholic

Dan_in_Cincinnati's picture

I believe him.  This site is more of a hobby than a money maker for him.  Some of us poor slobs with no life would like to help out here.  Just tell us what to do Jazzy or Mr C.

{;-) Dan in Miami


This might bring more posters

Rajah's picture

Less Spam and more Bacon

Dan_in_Cincinnati's picture

Mmmmmm.  Bacon.  It's meat candy.

{;-) Dan in Miami

Maybe if we gave in and bought their products, they'll go away.

nickumoh's picture

Just kidding

Isn't that how you get rid of hobos?

Also kidding

Maybe we could just ignore them? You know, treat it like that elephant in the room, until we're hip deep in dung and occasionally impaled by a 5 foot ivory tusk.

Just an idea. Please don't vote me down.

...what...what were talking about again?

A "rare" movie post in this thread, just for shits and giggles.

HS's picture

Saw a few films, old and new, thought I'd give my synopsis:


Funny People: Surprised no one's written a Cranky review of this one yet.  This "serious" effort from Judd Apatow was quite good for the first 75 minutes, an engaging and oft-funny look at the relationship between a dying mega-comedian (Adam Sandler) and the struggling young comic (a skinny Seth Rogen) whom he hires as first, his joke writer and second, his assistant.  But then the story changes focus to Sandler's desire to reunite with his old flame (Apatow's real-life wife, Leslie Mann), who of course is married with kids, a big house, and a really nice, only slightly-schizo husband (Eric Bana, doing good work here).  Unfortunately, the action slows to a screeching halt despite Bana's efforts, yet the movie continues on for a whole 'nother hour.  I like Apatow, but his movies generally have the tendency to drag a bit in their third act, and Funny People is by far the biggest offender in that regard.  Looking at how the film FINALLY ends, I almost had to wonder why the whole boring love triangle was even there in the first place.  C.

A Woman in Berlin: Excellent German film with an interesting subject: what happens to Germany and its people immediately following the end of WWII, in particular its beautiful women, now surrounded by horny, hard-drinking Russian soldiers.  The title character is a pretty, nameless, bilingual Berliner who decides that if she is to become a victim, let it at least by her terms, and the man be less dispicable than the others.  She finds said man in a decent Russian major...but how does he really feel about this "whore?"  Her compelling voice-over narration (a journal she is keeping for her missing soldier husband) adds to the drama.  Some rough scenes but never graphic.  Very limited release right now, but see it if you can.  A.

On DVD: Blue Thunder: "Follow my leader!"  Remember this 1982 Roy Scheider vehicle?  I bought it years ago in a DVD bargain bin and, having loved it when I first caught it on VHS in the mid-nineties, threw it in the DVD player the other night.  Wow, a shitty DVD sound transfer and the movie feels so dated now that I could barely finish it.  Too bad, for the cast is pretty good: Scheider as an LAPD chopper pilot, Warren "Stripes" Oates as his captain, Daniel Stern as his young rookie partner, and Malcolm McDowell as the heavy, a shady sort who pilots Blue Thunder, a new, state-of-the-art, armed (and therefore illegal) police helicopter designed for ruthless crowd control.  Some funny one-liners ("JAFO" comes to mind and lots of action in the second half, but just too painfully dated.  A B+ movie for its decade that loses an entire letter grade when viewed 27 years later.  C+.




HS's picture

Love the bacon pic.  It's making me hungry.  ;)



Since you guys are trapped here, whatdoya think of this?

Rajah's picture

and this

as far as the safety of the President goes you don't have no rights, motherfucker! What if a hundered people came to the meeting with guns, you gonna be able to watch everyone of them?

My 10 favorite TV theme music

FearlessFreep's picture

(For the sake of brevity, I'll limit it to US series.)



3.  ROOM 222 (I only recently noticed it's in a seven-fourths rhythm!)

4.  THE STREETS OF SAN FRANCISCO (a wocka-wocka classic)


6.  Mike Post, MAGNUM PI

7.  Bill Conti, DYNASTY (the only good thing about that show)

8.  Jan Hammer, MIAMI VICE

9.  Danny Elfman, THE SIMPSONS

10.  Angelo Badamenti, TWIN PEAKS

The best TV theme you've never heard:  the short-lived 1977 series BIG HAWAII


You left out Gilligan's Island

Rajah's picture

was that on purpose?

There isn't even a close second to...

michael3b's picture

Barney Miller, except maybe Night Court, Welcom Back Kotter and Taxi.

The original version

gamerarocks's picture

of Starsky and Hutch.  And of course the Powerpuff Girls. 

Impeach Jim Gibbons!


What about Get Smart?! Or Batman?!?!

HS's picture

Great (classic, at least, maybe not great) TV themes.



Patrick McGoohan's Secret Agent

Rajah's picture

sung by Johnny River no less.

Then there's the theme song to the Addams Family

Remember this version

FearlessFreep's picture

The Addams family started

When Uncle Fester farted.

They all came out retarded,

The Addams Family!


Sweet zombie Jesus! Is Crankyland dead or what?

Rajah's picture

Buried under a mountain of spam!

What a way to go!

watch his holy trailer >

Spam attack, Day 37. Oh Jazzy, why haz though forsaken us?

Coaster's picture

I know Cranky isn't a money maker (yet), but these spammers are choking this place to death. 

Is it that much troble to get rid of them? 

So much Spam, so little bacon. 

The offer still stands

Dan_in_Cincinnati's picture

I am available to zap spam or help with banning Internet addresses.  You might have to teach me some stuff but that should not be too hard.  I want to help.

{;-) Dan in Miami

Clearly it needs to go back to registering

Rajah's picture

before you can post. Removing that was a mistake.

If you want to attract new posters here's my suggestion > turn this place into a midgetporn/movie review site!


Is there a way to incorporate Akismet?

Foo's picture

That would be good, I suspect, but I don't know.

There has been no response to our concerns from site admin

Coaster's picture

thus far.  That is a bit disappointing.

Foo, do you does your old e-mail address work?  E-mail me at mrcoaster(at)cox(dot)net please. 

I only got one email from

jazzdrive3's picture

I only got one email from the contact form from Dan yesterday.

Akismet is being used

jazzdrive3's picture

Akismet is being used currently. For some reason it doesn't work as well as on Wordpress, however. Hopefully it will learn the patterns here soon.

But I've made it so I have to approve anonymous comments. So register if you don't want your comments delayed. I can't check this site every day.

Jazzy can't check Crankyland every day

Dan_in_Cincinnati's picture

He's too busy. 

I would like to help.  These are human spammers not bots.  It will probably take some human intervention to stop them.  I would like to volunteer my time.  My job allows me to check Crankyland several times per day.

{;-) Dan in Miami

I'd like to second Dan's suggestion

Coaster's picture

The Spam is choking off what little life this place left in it.  Lately, I've been visiting less and less and am only motivated to come here by the occasional new reviews, to see what my old friends have posted, and to check out bargains on Hardy Jeans and Nikes.

I also wouldn't mind volunteering as a Spam trimmer.

You asked for it, you got

jazzdrive3's picture

You asked for it, you got it. You'll now see links below comments and forum posts "submit spam". should be self explanatory.

Thanks. I appreciate it!

The Spaminator(s) Has(ve) Arrived

Coaster's picture

No Spam will be safe. 

People wishing to buy discount Nikes and Ed Hardy clothing will have to look elsewhere.  People wishing to buy pirated DVD's and porn will have to look elsewhere. People wishing to read regurgitated studio press releases on unreleased films written by the barely literate will have to look elsewhere. People who wish to read current reviews written by the mentally affected can, or course, stay right here.

Could you do something about Rajah?

The_Little_General's picture

He's starting to get on my nerves

Well you're the one who keeps dragging him in to these messes.

Coaster's picture


The Spammers are registered

Dan_in_Cincinnati's picture

Cheapdesigners is the top poster of the week.  That leaping negro guy in the famous  sneakers would be so proud.

{;-) Dan in Miami

So why hasn't his handle been banned?

Coaster's picture

I see we've also got at least one other registered fucktard Spammer, too.

I doubt if all of this Spamming has led to the sale of even one item. Frankly, anybody that would give their credit card number to a Chinese Spammer deserves to be swindled.

They post with the handle,

jazzdrive3's picture

They post with the handle, then move on to another one. These aren't bots. These are actual humans registering. Banning the handle will just let them get a new one.

For someone reason this stuff is getting through the filters. Eventually I hope it will start picking them up as they are being manually marked as spam. But for some reason Akismet is not working as well here as it does on wordpress.

I can't turn on the IP filter, because last time I did that NO ONE could post.

Well, they weren't before

Rajah's picture

Maybe they anticipated the move to reinstate the registered requirement.

Yeah, cheap designer is a Crankyland newborn. We should,ve aborted him or her.

Surely the administrators will respond to the porn

Dan_in_Cincinnati's picture

It was posted four and 1/2 hours ago.  I sent them an e-mail about it.

{;-) Dan in Miami

PETA's inhumane treatment of women

Rajah's picture

Looks like the porn is gone for now

Dan_in_Cincinnati's picture

{;-) Dan in Miami

This place needs a serious spam-enema, and soon.

Wulfgar's picture

The motherfuckers are making it distasteful to even stop by, let alone hang out.



Of course, there's hardly anyone here at the best of times.




~No, my young padawan; this one is mine.~


Jazzdrive: If I had a Spammer, I'd swing it in the morning....

Coaster's picture

This morning at 5 AM, the time I usually wake up, I'd have logged on, deleted the handles of "Galondora" and "Yourtemak" and blown away their Spams.

I'd like you to consider Dan's suggestion and give several of us limited moderator privileges. We would just need the minimum of tools it would take to ban the spamming idiots and flush their Spams from the boards. We wouldn't even be board moderators in the classical sense: We'd be Spaminators!

That way, with a little help, your boards can be on autopilot again, with that much less of drain on your time.


Coaster's picture

Some guys in the navy were happy about this too.

Mission Accomplished Banner

Lets just hope we have better luck with this banner than that last guy did.

Trying to shut down the site?

gamerarocks's picture

This daily spam bombardment is beyond irritating.  If they want to drive people away they're succeeding.

Impeach Jim Gibbons!


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