What will I watch for my viewing pleasure on this downright cold Saturday night?

Will it be a Cellblock 6: Female Lockup marathon where every woman featured deserves to be there?

Or, how about Hoarders? I greatly admire the dedication, inner strength and fortitude of those whose houses are so contaminated and polluted that even a finance company refuses to force them to move out.

Then there's The Wrestler, a biopic on the life of some ugly guy and his fraternal twin, Shannon Tweed.

Operation Repo is a popular choice. Some fat guy and his fat daughter and fat sister struggle to make ends meat.

Speaking of fat, there's another fat guy letting grease roll down his fat chin while he stuffs his fat face during a food contest. The admiring crowd wholeheartedly cheers on his imminent heart attack and long-term heart disease. Oh, that's Man versus Food, by the way. Or Man v. Food. Or, it could be Man vs. Food. They don't appear certain what to call it.

I see Cops is back. Viewing grainy, snowy, black and white videos evocative of watching tv in the '50s, albeit with sound added as an afterthought, doesn't really cut it. Suprising, isn't it? (Oooooo, I used 'albeit' in a sentence!)

Real Life Mysteries of people who deserved what they got, or got what they deserved, is a loser too.

Oh well. I guess I'll just have to take a 40-pounder of rum early to bed and pull the covers over my head whilst in the fetal position.


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Makes you wish you had'nt retired from the C.I.A., eh?

Rajah's picture

 Why not keep up with the Kardashians?

I would, but

RidingFool's picture

keeping up is too easy. Insert a "Their asses are so fat" joke of your choosing here.

You could watch

gamerarocks's picture

History Channel programming, but since they moved ALL their shows that aren't reality based to H2, they only have fat asses as well;  Driving trucks, garage sale shopping, fixing crap no one wants, and don't forget running pawn shops.  What riveting television.  Still gotta be better than Catagory 6 on SyFy.  Maybe.  Ok maybe not. 

One out of four people is freakishly stupid. If three of your friends are normal, then it's you.

 

Thursday night. Tweedle-dumb, tweedle-dee.

RidingFool's picture

Cellblock 6 - Lock the skanky bitches and whores up and never let them out.

D.U.I. - grainy b&w videos of drunks standing by the side of the road, tripping over their own feet. Hell, I can watch that in my own bar in color while I drunkenly pretend to be drunk, thus allowing me to squeeze the wimmin-folk in real life - kind of like smell-o-vision for poor people.

I can no longer go out to eat since dirty, filthy, foul-mouthed "chef" Ramsay and his ilk has popularized just how dirty and filthy every restaurant in the world has become.

I really shouldn't go to the bar either. Since watching Bar Rescue, I've decided that those dirty, filthy, stupid maroons who are also owners of bars are not worthy of my company. Not only that, but Cellblock 6's crack-addicted pregnant prostitute was probably arrested there too.

The Ice Road Fuckers are equally as dumb as an icicle. Although, Maya has an ample bosom and Lisa looks good in tight jeans. That covers all the tits and ass I need.

One girl, 5 gays, but I can't get up for it.

I guess I'll just have to get drunk instead.

Today I have written to "Sell This House"

RidingFool's picture

famed hostess with the mostess biggest breasts and dazzling smile on house teevee, Tanya Mammary. While I await her response to my request to sell this house, for my viewing pleasue tonight I'll be watching Out of the Past, Instant Love, and While the City Sleeps. No whisky on this Saturday eve.

I'm looking forward to the old, fatass ignoramuses with no money who tour, comment obtusely on things of which they know nothing, and depart, feeling that they have given meaningfull insight into the saleability of the homes they visit.

Questions:

  1. Should I clean up the cat shit in the living room first?
  2. What about the dog crap in the back yard?
  3. Dusting. Should I do any, or will I be satisfied with the dust devils that she of large bust fame raises her eyebrows at?
  4. Will Tanya Mammary ever decide that she could make her fame and fortune as a dancer in a peeler bar? The monetary return is nothing to sneeze at.
  5. Should I just reduce the price by 50K and suck it up?
  6. Query four (4) is optional.
  7. This is not a test.

 

What do cobwebs say about a house?

Rajah's picture

 I love them in every corner

Cobwebs? Lupita isn't doing her job and should be deported.

RidingFool's picture

The itsy bitsy spider
Climbed up the waterspout

Down came the rain
And washed the spider out.

Out came the sun
And dried up all the rain

So the itsy-bitsy spider
Climbed up the spout again!

God

RidingFool's picture

I love Clark Gable in Mogambo. I've seen it half a dozen times and it never gets tired.

Have you seen him in RED DUST?

FearlessFreep's picture

That was the movie MOGAMBO was a remake of.  (It teamed Gable with Jean Harlow.)

Trivia:  When John Ford was directing Ava Gardner in MOGAMBO, he asked her, "Why did you marry a 120-pound runt like Sinatra?" AG replied, "Frankie's twenty pounds of runt, a hundred pounds of cock!"

 

I am reminded of a time

RidingFool's picture

when, as a young man, I was rollicking around various and sundry parts of the Dark Continent. I did some R&R in Kenya, particularly Nairobi. It was a grand city then. Now, perhaps not so much. Years later, I heard a travel writer at one point call it Nairobbery. But not then. It was a delicious bit of Africa to be savored and enjoyed.

I would be mobbed by children begging for money. Every day I would give one time. Eventually I got fed up with the adults who would come up to me in a park and begin a conversation and end it with a pitch for a pallet so they could "make a decent living". I started asking these adults to tell me about the mau mau uprising. The first time I got a terrified, horrified look, I knew I was on to something. In a few days, no adults were begging for my alms. I have often wondered about the conversations around the campfires on those nights.

One of the company's employees - a short man, obviously feelings of inadequacy followed him around - made sure his safari suits were custom-tailored. He was quite proud of them. To say he strutted is an understatement. In camp, he was called by his last name. I, on the other hand, was called b'wana. I got quite a kick out of that.

I might add that I have never, nor will I ever, wear a safari suit - dead or alive.

^^^ The Most Interesting Man in the World?

Rajah's picture

 His words carry so much weight they would break another man's jaw

http://youtu.be/fYdwe3ArFWA

http://youtu.be/8Bc0WjTT0Ps

http://youtu.be/mC9mqbImrC8

Screw that Dos Equis shit.

RidingFool's picture

It's Sol or nothing.

In Kenya I drank Tusker. That piss would give me the shits every time, but b'wana wore fresh, clean underwear every day back then.

He saw Kim Kardashian without her makeup...

FearlessFreep's picture

...and lived!

 

There's a reason

RidingFool's picture

you never see a Kardashian from the back end. Television manufacturerers have forbidden it because a shot of Kardashian ass (now there's a bar drink I wouldn't want to tackle-in more ways than one) isn't wide enough to fit on a 50 inch screen. Only tightie-whitie boys who like big fat ass need apply.

How do you tell you've got a Kardashian between the sheets? You wake up on the floor because her ass is so big there's no room for you in bed.

I assumed it was so...

FearlessFreep's picture

...you wouldn't see the hand manipulating them.

The Kardashians are Muppets without the humor. 

I like big butts and I can not lie

Rajah's picture

Baby got back all right.

RidingFool's picture

From too much back bacon!!!

More on back bacon

FearlessFreep's picture

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