Will this be Coaster's new ride?
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No.

I'll be picking up a low-mileage R 1200 RT. That bike has a mere 110 Hp and is only a two-cylinder.
But it tips the scales at only 515 pounds sans fuel and paneers.

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Sweet!

My feet would never touch the ground while sitting on one of those.
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My inseam is 29"

Indeed, I'll have to purchase a lowering kit before I ever climb on to the thing. There is such a thing as a "factory lowered bike." This is done at the factory to produce a lowered model, and involves so many non-stock parts that it is never done outside the factory. It would be nice to find a factory lowered RT, but this isn't likely.
The lowering kit I can buy will only lower the bike an inch to just under 30 inches. I might be able to flatfoot it if I wear high-heeled motorcycle boots. Perhaps Mal could loan me a set of hers.
A young lady I know purchased the latest and greatest cruiser from Victory. That 112 ci monster weighs in at over 900 pounds. My friend stands 5' tall. She had the bike lowered before she picked it up. She's ridden the daylights out of it and reports that the lowered shocks and shortened springs have allowed the bike to bottom out frequently, resulting in cracked and busted saddlebags. That's a $2300 replacement cost that so far Victory has had to eat. The Victory people she deals with have told her "We don't know what's wrong with your bike."
It's interesting to note that I'm doing the bike trade so I can comfortably cruise a daily distance of 600 miles. That's still 250 miles short of what you do routinely. I'm ashamed of my pussification. But the shame will be well covered by my smile as I accelerate smoothly to speed on a sweet little ride that isn't going to beat me to death. That's my wife's job.
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I'll have one in my next life

should I manage to make it through this one unscathed.
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Stay away from midget prostitutes then

Those little bitches will cut you!
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Don't you mean dwarf prostitutes?

?
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What's the difference?

A runt's a runt
or do dwarf women have beards?
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