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Mr. Cranky:
If you were offered the opportunity to live your life as another film person (actor, director, etc.) who would it be and why?

Jason Schwartzman:
I would like to be Walter Mitty.

What do you wish you could change about yourself and why?

I wish I was two inches taller so that everyone wasn't so "looking down on me." I'd also like a deeper voice; I am told girls really find that attractive.

If you could work with any person in the film industry, past or present, actor, director or writer, who would it be and why?

I would like to have worked with Orson Welles. I feel some sort of odd kinship with him. I really "know" what Rosebud is...

You've been hired to remake "Casablanca." Who do you cast in the leads and why?

I would CGI all the characters, so in essence, no one has ever seen my actors.

What one person have you enjoyed working with the most?

WES ANDERSON!!!!

Of all the movies you have seen, which one made you the crankiest?

"The Shining" definitely made me feel a little antisocial for a while.

What question do reporters and interviewers ask you that, when you come right down to it, is just really none of their goddamned business?

"Would you please fill out a form for our internet web-site?"

Suddenly the film industry vanishes. What are you doing to make ends meet and do you enjoy it?

I would write books, write songs, paint pictures, and garden.

What question are you just waiting to be asked or What other question would you like to see included on this sheet?

"What are you doing later tonight?"

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