Rugrats in Paris and 102 Dalmations

Bomb Rating: 

Hollywood plotting and my idiotic ideas have partnered in a horrific cosmic dance.

I actually thought this stupid idea of combining these two movies into one review before I went to see "102 Dalmatians", and wouldn't you know it, Cruella De Vil (Glenn Close) hooks up with evil coatmaker Monsieur Le Pelt (Gerard Depardieu) in London and they go to... you guessed it: Paris. It's serendipity, I tell you. Hollywood plotting and my idiotic ideas have partnered in a horrific cosmic dance.

The four bombs is an average of sorts. "102 Dalmatians" would get the dynamite. "Rugrats in Paris" is three bombs. Neither is worth spit. In "102 Dalmatians," Cruella wears a hairdo that looks like two huge testicles balanced on her head. The plot revolves around a coat. I know the first one did too, but you start thinking about it, and it becomes hard to believe: Let's make a movie about a coat. Let's make a second movie about a coat. Gerard Depardieu must be seriously strapped for cash to be in this. Isn't he supposed to be the Robert De Niro of France? I think De Niro would slit his own throat before he'd be in something like this. Oh wait, there was that "Rocky and Bullwinkle" thing.

The anthropomorphism in this film is downright twisted. The animals are all smarter than the people. The filmmakers go so far as to have a talking parrot (voiced by Eric Idle). It never shuts up and it forms tons of complex sentences. How many kids are going to want a talking parrot, and when mom and dad buy it for them and it doesn't form complex sentences, they'll flush it down the toilet? Have you ever tried to flush a parrot down a toilet? It's ugly. This movie has so little regard for its audiences that you see things like Le Pelt stuffing a full-size dog and several puppies into a bag that might be able to hold his lunch (the guy is getting huge).

Aside from the similarities in location, these two films present an alarming irony. "102 Dalmatians" goes out of its way to make animals clean and human-like while "Rugrats in Paris" goes out of its way to make its humans dirty and animal-like. However, each group inhabits its own little world independent from the adults. Maybe in the next Rugrats movie, the kids will learn to bathe their own asses using their tongues.

A further similarity between the two films is the evil character. In "Rugrats in Paris," Coco LaBouche (voice by Susan Sarandon) is a freaky-haired nut-woman who's trying to marry Chuckie's dad so that she can take control of some corporation. Of course, none of the adults are smart enough to figure any of this out, and its the kids who lead them to the answer. One can only imagine that if the 102 Dalmatians and the Rugrats were to join forces, cold fusion and time travel would be right around the corner.

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