10 Things I Hate About You
Ten things I hate about this movie:
1. That little Joseph-Gordon Levitt punk makes me want to projectile-vomit popcorn.
2. Ooh, goody, the ninetieth consecutive modern-day movie based on Shakespeare.
3. No-name actors impossible to distinguish.
4. The next pinhead to make a high-school comedy should be drawn and quartered and the pieces set on fire.
5. I'm supposed to believe that between two gorgeous sisters, Kat (Julia Stiles) has no friends and Bianca (Larisa Oleynik) has never had a date?
6. The guy (Heath Ledger) who eventually "tames" Kat practically has the words "Male Underwear Model" tattooed across his forehead, yet we're supposed to believe he's some sort of badass.
7. Last half of movie turns into extended MTV music video, only with weaker acting.
8. Kat flashes teacher (David Leisure), allowing Patrick to escape detention. No gratuitous breast shot is used. She may be underage, but that's what no-talent, silicone-laden body doubles are for. I hear Anna Nicole Smith is looking for work.
9. Stupid names used to remind me that this is based on Shakespeare's "Taming of the Shrew," just in case I was too stupid to figure out "Patrick Verona" or "Padua High School."
10. Father (Larry Miller) of Kat and Bianca -- the one who causes this whole story by not allowing Bianca to date until her older, shrewish sister does -- is about as likely to share genetic material with swamp rats as with these two blond chicks.
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