13 Going on 30

Bomb Rating: 

This is a movie is based on an idea that Hollywood loves: the idea that if you make one bad decision, it can change your whole life. In this case, 13-year-old Jenna Rink (Christa B. Allen) is mean to her best friend, Matt (Jack Salvatore, Jr.), and simultaneously wishes she were 30 years old. Next thing you know, she wakes up and she's the same girl, only in the body of Jennifer Garner.

Here's what we discover: The older Jenna Rink is a complete bitch. Apparently, after she was mean to Matt, she fell in with the wrong crowd and now she's a conniving magazine editor and her best friend, Lucy (Judy Greer), is the bitchy girl Jenna decided to hang around with instead of Matt. Naturally, Jenna discovers that she doesn't like the person she's turned in to, seeks out Matt, and realizes that he's just the best guy ever.

Here's the thing that I can't stand about this film: Good people don't make one bad choice in life and turn into complete assholes. Either it's your nature to be an asshole or it's not. Jenna may have made that bad choice once, but if she was a good person, she would have apologized to Matt later. The only thing left to assume here is that Jenna is just a bitch to begin with. It's in her nature to be a bitch and she's going to grow up to be a bitch regardless of one, short moment with Matt. Consequently, I wasn't really rooting for her in any particular way.

Here's another thing: Matt's a pushover when he's 13 years old and when Jenna finds him at the age of 30, he's still a pushover. In other words, Matt is a complete wussbag. Should Matt get the girl? No, he shouldn't. And the only reason Jenna is attracted to him is because she still has the mentality of a 13-year-old girl, which is about the only time that "male friend" shit works at all. In fact, it's probable that at the point where young Jenna is mean to Matt, she's realizing what a wuss he really is and that if she hangs around him much longer he's going to want to get laid and she wants absolutely no part of that.

I would say that this movie was so juvenile it made me feel 13 again -- except that I was too smart for this movie even at that age.

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