Responses to this message:
...here's mine.
It is a Spring dayy. MENDO_BERNSTEIN is setting on a park bench. A sad litle midleaged man, he is waring a Yamaha an is smokking a JOINT.
MENDO_BERNSTEIN (in jewish acident) - Oy, vot a lovely spring day! Vot a fine day for some reading!
MENDO_BERNSTEIN is reading some Dork Book.
FIERCE_SKILLY rolerskates up. She is HOTT and has big BRESTS for a 14 year girl. shes wearing spandecks pants and a tube top and NO BRA
MENDO_BERNSTEIN drop his JOINT and eyes bugg out.
MENDO_BERNSTEIN - Oy, vot a molesting I will give you! Come here little girl, I vant to talk to you!
FIERCE_SKILLY - Don't call me a little girl, old man! I may be a young slut, but I am also a feminist! I am a woman and expect to be addressed as one!
MENDO_BERNSTEIN - Young lady, please come here! A great schtupping I would give you!
FIERCE_SKILLY - OK, but only in the ass.
FIERCE_SKILLY takes of her pants and is waring no underware! She getts on the bench on her hands and knees. MENDO_BERNSTEIN pulls out his weeny an it is miissing the HEDD.
FIERCE_SKILLY - What's wrong with your dick?
MENDO_BERNSTEIN - It is a Jewish tradition.
MENDO_BERNSTEIN begins DOING IT wit FIERCE_SKILLY. He STILL dose not shut up.
MENDO_BERNSTEIN - Did you know that the Constitution was written on...oy, vot is wrong with your ass? I feel like I am getting a handjob from a blacksmith!
FIERCE_SKILLY - Those are my rectal calluses. I've been working on them since I was seven!
X-MARU walks upp. He looks liek a cros between a cowboy and a rassler and a kid who lissens to Devil Music. He is BIG and UGGLY.
X-MARU - This is entirely too fucked up for me to have any part of.
X-MARU trys to walk aweigh but I WONT LET HIM becuz this is MY STORY!!!!!!!
X-MARU - This proves it, all women are sluts!
MENDO_BERNSTEIN - Oy, and aren't you glad?
X-MARU - They are evil and dirty and WRONG. Sex frightens me. Are you going to hit that?
MENDO_BERNSTEIN - You can have it.
X-MARU grabs the JOINT and begins Smokking it.
X-MARU - Is she charging you for that?
MENDO_BERNSTEIN - Oy, it would be too much if she vas! Her ass is as dry as my mouth after smoking a primo!
X-MARU - Damn, I really feel like killing a whore right now, too.
X-MARU finishis the JOINT wile tryng not to look at MENDO_BERNSTEIN and FIERCE_SKILLY do it. Soon all three aare finishd. FIERCE_SKILLY putts her pants back on and they all sit on the bench.
FIERCE_SKILLY - Does anyone have a cigarette?
X-MARU an MENDO_BERNSTEIN simoltaneussly - IF IT'S GREEN, SMOKE IT, IF IT'S BROWN, FLUSH IT.
They all laff but not FIERCE_SKILLY
FIERCE_SKILLY - Damn potheads.
X-MARU - So, what's with the fake Yiddish accent? It's so bad it almost offends me.
MENDO_BERNSTEIN - Oy, I cannot help it! The AUTHOR makes me do these things!
X-MARU - I think I may have experienced something similar to that, myself!
FIERCE_SKILLY - Me too!
SMOKING_MAN - There are some questions that should not be answered. Let it go.
MENDO_BERNSTEIN - Aha, and vere did YOU come from?
SMOKING_MAN - I was here all along.
X-MARU - No you weren't! I know you weren't here when I showed up!
SMOKING_MAN - Um, bye now!
SMOKING_MAN disapeers into THIN AIR!!!
FIERCE_SKILLY - I think we just met a manifestation of the author!
MENDO_BERNSTEIN - Impossible! Direct author-character interaction was forbidden in the Organian Treaty of Bad Fanfic of Stardate 9472.16!
X-MARU - I wouldn't put it past someone writing characters like us. I mean, we're ridiculous, right?
FIERCE_SKILLY - I don't feel so ridiculous.
X-MARU - I think you feel marvellous!
X-MARU squeases FIERCE_SKILLYs BREST an than they start to GET IT ON
MENDO_BERNSTEIN - See! A moment ago you vere disgusted vith sex, and now you are schtupping a young girl!
X-MARU - My God, you are right! I am badly-written!
MENDO_BERNSTEIN - So stop vith the schtupping already and help me figure a vay out of here!
X-MARU - I would, but it's been a long time since I got laid.
MENDO_BERNSTEIN waites a few minuts for X-MARU to finish.
X-MARU - OK, we need to figure out a way of luring the AUTHOR into manifesting again, so we can grab him.
FIERCE_SKILLY - What do we do after we grab him?
X-MARU - Um, kick his ass I guess.
MENDO_BERNSTEIN - Oy, vot an ass-kicking I shall give him!
X-MARU - Stop that!!!
MENDO_BERNSTEIN - I'll try.
X-MARU - OK, the AUTHOR seems to manifest when we begin to question our own behavior, to try to resist his control. The old guy is trying not to sound like such a stereotype, so would you please get off my lap little girl?
FIERCE_SKILLY - I AM NOT A LITTLE, um, I mean, yes sir.
X-MARU - Now, I just have to resist my misogynistic urges and...
AUTHOR appeers! He is 10 foot tall an muskular like a PRO RASSLER! He also has an ENORMUS DICK!!!
AUTHOR - YOU CUT THAT OUT! This is MY STORY!
MENDO_BERNSTEIN - And what will you do if we don't? Write us out of this hideous story!
AUTHOR - NO! I wil ddo somthing EEVEN WORSE!
AUTHOR disapeers into THIN AIR!!!
FIERCE_SKILLY - I wonder what he meant by that.
ENDER_420 hopps up. He/She/It is a cute aminal of som unown kind. He/She/It is waring a Cypress Hill shirt an is holding a JOINT
ENDER_420 - ahem? is choon to resist the author. un badger angers author, gets no pie. un hoopty froond plays nice. youm smoke un joint, yes? see?
X-MARU - Fuck it, why not.
X-MARU takes JOINT from ENDER_420 and shares it with MENDO_BERNSTEIN and FIERCE_SKILLY. They laff an talk about rasslin an forget about wot they thought. They live haply ever aftur.
***THE END***
Responses to this message:
Post a response to this discussion thread