It's my fault. I was wrong. I'm always wrong.

For some reason this Beatles related release “Across the Universe” became mixed up in my collective consciousness with the new Dylan movie, "I'm Not There." The latter was an offbeat collection of vignettes, less a mass market release and more an art house offering. The Beatles film took on that aura. The perception was that it would at least be interesting.

When "Universe" started with a Davey Jones-type (Jim Sturgess) on a sea shore mewing "Cry Baby Cry" directly into the camera, I knew I was wrong. Perhaps here it might be expected to add, "But I didn’t know how wrong." No, I knew.

The “singer” is Jude (yes Jude). He’s leaving Liverpool for the U.S. and Princeton on a search for his father, who doesn't know he left a son in the UK. Why Princeton? Because it’s scenic and close to New York, where director Julie Taymor had great success with the smash stage hit “The Lion King.”

This is the problem. “Across the Universe” is Broadway all the way. Gotta sing, gotta dance, gotta get up and walk out. It comes off as a big screen tryout for a Great White Way musical, an “Up with Beatles” showcase.

It used to be a successful play would turn into a dreadful movie. Now, with the success of “The Producers,” “Hair Spray” and, of course, Taymor's triumph, Broadway realizes brand recognition is key to filling the theaters. This is the only way to explain “Across the Universe.”

Besides Jude there are two more main characters, the ever-wholesome “Lucy” (yes, Lucy) and her brother, Max (yes, Max as in Maxwell's Silver Hammer and he eventually does wield one). The siblings (Evan Rachel Wood and Joe Anderson) enliven the proceedings by shacking up together with Jude in Greenwich Village. This is where all our happy little mop tops run into lesser characters who coincidentally, all have names out of the Beatles songbook.

Wood is first presented in an old-fashioned girls gym uniform practicing basketball. The look of innocence is supposed to contrast with her development as a sixties survivor. Since she stays exactly the same throughout the turmoil, she might as well wear the culottes throughout. This is odd since she is perhaps best known for her relationship with Marilyn Manson.

As played by Anderson, brother Max has seen the future and realized it is Kurt Cobain. Anderson, in all his pre-punk glory, is the only main player with a pulse. He has a rock voice and perhaps not coincidentally is coming off two other music themed roles. He is in the current Joy Division vehicle, “Control,” and upstaged Ed Harris’ title character in “Copying Beethoven” (but who wouldn’t?).

The final member of this merry group is Prudence (yes, Prudence). She's a notch below the main players, sort of the Ringo in this Flop Four. “Pru” is a cheerleader stuck deep within the Midwest. She is played by T.V. Carpio, an actress who has a birthmark in the middle of her upper lip. Now, such an addition could be seen as a beauty mark, adding interest to a player/character. But as Prudence warbles “I Want to Hold Your Hand,” she becomes bigger and bigger on the screen. The camera zooms in on her upper lip, on the birthmark. It becomes five feet across. Perhaps it will spin off into its own sequel, “Magical Mystery Wart.”

So the singing and dancing and raiding of Beatles lyrics continue. Our heroes experiment with drugs. They go to Vietnam. They protest. They do leg kicks and somersaults. They do such literal acting out of Beatles lyrics (yes, she does come in through the bathroom window, and a picture of Chairman Mao doesn’t make it with anyone anyhow) the remaining members of the audience wake up only to snicker. Every second of its two hours and 11 minutes crawls by.

Luckily Joe Cocker and Bono make surprise appearances. The difference between the obvious rock chops of these two and the Coke commercial qualities of our heroes only serves to show how dismal the proceedings have become. Salma Hayek appears to remind us Taymor’s “Frida” earned six Oscar nominations.

Other good points? Well obviously they wanted to appeal to 14-year-olds so despite a PG rating, we get doses of drug use, violence, profanity and brief-but-interesting nudity. By that point, it doesn’t matter. You only are praying only for the end. This movie has totally ruined “The Lion King” for me.

“Across the Universe” is proof that, if not Jesus Christ, John Lennon died in vain,

--The_Sweeney