I never thought I would see a movie worse than either "Battlefield Earth" and "Glitter". And yet, I have. And I paid to see it! Stupid me.
The film has all of the plodding, relentless, in-real-time drudgery of "Andromeda Strain" without anything interesting actually happening. I'm not lying when I say that two of my associates actually fell asleep in the theater. They actually fell asleep!
In this movie, nothing happens fo the first two hours. Nick Cage sits in a dingy apartment and laments (in voiceover) that the book is too hard to adapt. He also gripes in voiceover about being too lazy, fat, balding, and a loser with the chicks (no duh!).
At the two hour point, he visits a loud, foul-mouthed consultant who tells him (and the audience) that the first two hours of this film had no meaning, but some violence and a few car wrecks would sure fix things up.
So of course we were treated to some pointlessly violent car wrecks. And seeing Meryl Streep as an adulterous dope addict was completely unbelievable. They could have gotten anyone other than her and it would have made more sense.
The movie, to paraphrase "The Producers" was lousy, long, and they did everything wrong. How could anyone think this movie was anyhthing other than self-indulgent, masterbutory claptrap?!
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