Alfie

Bomb Rating: 

Alfie is a man whore.

Jude Law as Alfie

Movies with dislikable main characters are always especially annoying. However, Hollywood has always seemed to have a particular obsession with cads. Frankly, "cad" is a nice way of saying that Alfie (Jude Law) is a man whore. He screws every woman he can get his hands on, then talks to the camera like we're his friends. He also talks about always having money, which seems rather odd, since he drives a limo. It sort of made me wonder whether director Charles Shyer has any clue what limo drivers in New York actually make. My guess is that he doesn't know and doesn't care. Remember, this is the same man who made "Father of the Bride," positing that a middle class family could afford a wedding that looked like it cost hundreds of thousands of dollars and lived in a house that probably cost nearly a million.

Alfie's list of bone buddies is long: Dorie (Jane Krakowski), Julie (Marisa Tomei), Liz (Susan Sarandon), Nikkie (Sienna Miller) and Lonette (Nia Long). Alfie starts off incredibly self-confident and entertained by his conquests, which raises questions not about his commitment issues so much as his personal hygiene habits and various venereal diseases. Fortunately, as we all know, celebrities never get venereal diseases because all their sex is really, really clean. Add to that the fact that Alfie is British and the cleanliness factor rises so high that STDs seem virtually impossible. The British, as we all know, are both smart and clean, except if they're soccer fans, in which case they're stupid and dirty. Alfie appears to have no interest in soccer.

Besides the various women that he screws, Alfie appears to have only one friend, Marlon (Omar Epps). Unfortunately, Alfie screws Marlon's girlfriend, Lonette, and that's pretty much it for them. However, it's not like we ever really see Alfie and Marlon bond much in the first place unless Shyer thinks that one scene in a bar is enough to establish a friendship. Given his cinematic resume, I'd guess it probably is.

Since watching Alfie spend an entire movie screwing women, leaving women and being satisfied with his life wouldn't be much a film or appropriate in our new climate of good moral values, Alfie must learn a lesson. What lesson do you think he learns? Yes indeed: He learns that life might be about more than screwing women and avoiding commitment. It's amazing! It's like waking up one morning and seeing the sun rise in the West.

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