Bomb Rating: 

It always irritates me that, despite the fact that for all intents and purposes they live in the same world we do, the characters in science fiction and horror films always seem to be born in a cultural void. Didn't the dumbass crew on the Nostromo see "Invasion of the Body Snatchers" or any other movie where a group of people is wiped out by some unknown force? The solution is always so damn simple: Run away!

But no. First they just have to go poking around this alien planet where they don't belong. Dallas (Tom Skerritt), Lambert (Veronica Cartwright) and Kane (John Hurt) jauntily head off for an alien world day trip despite the tumultuous weather, which should be enough to suggest that the expedition might not be such a hot idea. Then when Kane gets his face sucked, everyone except Ripley (Sigourney Weaver) thinks it's a swell idea to bring him on board where they can poke at him and hopefully make the face-sucking creature mad.

Granted, Ash (Ian Holm) is an evil android, but you'd think somebody else would realize that bringing a face-sucking creature onto the ship just might violate OSHA regulations. Think of it this way: What are the chances that the guy is not going to be dead? Low, I'd say. At least Parker (Yaphet Kotto) suggests they freeze the guy. However, when Kane recovers everyone, including Ripley, seems happy as crap to eat lunch with him, drink his spit and put the face-sucking thing behind them.

Given everything that had happened up until that point you would think seeing a gross little Muppet emerging from the stomach of one of your crew members would send a pretty clear signal: Get off the ship (or find Jim Henson and beat him senseless). From that point on there isn't much suspense to the film since the crew simply gets what it deserves.

To spread the word about this Alien review on Twitter.

To get instant updates of Mr. Cranky reviews, subscribe to our RSS feed.

Like This Alien Review? Vote it Up.


Rate This Movie:

Average: 4.1 (15 votes)

Other Cranky Content You Might Enjoy

  • This film made me physically ill, so much so that if Winona Ryder had walked up to me in a topless Catholic schoolgirl uniform selling Girl Scout cookies, I would still have projectile vomited all ove

  • Special guest reviewer: Mr. Smiley!

    Mr. Smiley's rating:
    Prozacerrific! Wow, I can't feel my feet!

  • Once you learn that writer/director David Twohy directed "The Arrival" and wrote such classics as "Terminal Velocity," "Waterworld" (as co-writer) and "G.I.