Alien: Director's Cut

Bomb Rating: 

I have so much respect for director Ridley Scott that I'd kiss the ground he walks on or clean his shoes with my tongue if he'd just respond to one of my many letters or phone calls.

Special guest reviewer: Mr. Smiley!

Mr. Smiley's rating:
Prozacerrific! Wow, I can't feel my feet!

I have so much respect for director Ridley Scott that I'd kiss the ground he walks on or clean his shoes with my tongue if he'd just respond to one of my many letters or phone calls or at least say something to me as I'm standing outside his Bel Air home with the big sign that says "Me and Jeffrey Lyons love you" on it.

The fact that he's gone back and recut "Alien" to make it the way he wanted tells you how much he cares. If you really think about it, he's saying, "I just want my fans to see the movie I intended to make. I want them to be happy. I want them to get as much enjoyment from my movie as possible." That's right: Just like Bill O'Reilly, Ridley is looking out for us and it warms my heart so much that you could probably fry a piece of bacon right on top of it.

"Alien" can be violent and scary if you don't approach it the right way. However, if you just think of it as a fable about love and happiness, it doesn't have to be scary. You can smile all the way through it. Sure, the entire crew of the Nostromo gets eaten by this alien creature, with the exception of Ripley (Sigourney Weaver), but is it really the humans we should be worried about?

No, I say: Look at it from the creature's point-of-view. Here are all these aliens invading its home and it's just trying to survive and make sure its babies are okay, so it does the only thing it can. It protects itself. Is that so bad? If alien creatures in scary suits came into your home, what would you do? You'd fight! Really, this is a film about self-preservation. Everybody is doing it. I think the opposite of self-preservation is suicide and nobody is committing suicide in this film and that's good. Really, it all made me smile because preserving oneself is about experiencing love and happiness and what's better than that?

"Alien: The Director's Cut" is a cut above the rest!

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  • Special guest reviewer: Mr. Smiley!

    Mr. Smiley's rating:
    Like having an orgasm and saving the whales, all at the same time!