Aliens

Bomb Rating: 

What exactly is it about "concentrated acid for blood" that these people don't understand?

After being terrorized by the alien in "Alien," Ripley (Sigourney Weaver) wakes up fifty-seven years later in a space station, safe. Nevertheless, she's still having nightmares of being impregnated and having that little screaming flesh blob pop out of her stomach. Why then, does it take Burke (Paul Reiser) all of five seconds to convince Ripley to go back to LB426? Her answer should have been "You boys have fun. I'm gonna find me a burly construction worker, take a trip to a beach, and get laid."

Instead, Ripley ends up on LB426 with a bunch of testosterone-addled Marines. After they get onto the planet, the movie is mostly just shooting and marines getting killed or freaking out (Bill Paxton). Why anybody let Burke (Paul Reiser) come along is a mystery. He's a big business guy, so obviously he's going to screw somebody over the first chance he gets.

Ripley eventually meets the mother alien, who's the size of a condominium complex, yet somehow able to squeeze into elevators and conveniently small holes in ships. Kind of like Roseanne Barr, only with a less annoying voice. They find some little girl named Newt (Carrie Henn,) so that young girls who've been brought to this film by their psychotic parents will have a character to identify with. Essentially, Newt takes the place of the cat in the first movie.

Several things bothered me about this story. What exactly is it about "concentrated acid for blood" that these people don't understand? For that matter, why is it necessary to land on the planet at all? I say, hover around in the atmosphere for awhile, take some readings. If the readings suggest that there aren't quite as many people in the colony as there used to be, you leave. Simple enough. And if you have to go down, how about a small survey team, like two people? If you're talking to them and the line suddenly goes dead, you leave. Better yet, since there are all these artificial beings with snot flowing through their bodies, how about sending a bunch of them down? Isn't that what artificial beings are for? And if you don't have any artificial beings handy, there's always David Spade.

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