Angel Eyes

Bomb Rating: 

Don't be fooled by the false advertising. This is not a thriller.

Don't be fooled by the false advertising. This is not a thriller. It's a romantic drama that's so sappy, so manipulative, and so conscious of wooing women by creating the perfect man that several female theater patrons had to be taken away in handcuffs for removing their pants and becoming too intimate with the theater chair armrests. The guy in the film is Catch (Jim Caviezel), who walks around like a puppy waiting for somebody to love when he sees Chicago police officer Sharon Pogue (Jennifer Lopez). And love her he does. The guy has no job, no life, and apparently, no other purpose than to make Sharon happy.

Naturally, Catch harbors a deep, dark secret, which turns out to be that he's watched "City of Angels" four hundred times in a row. Think about what that would do to a person. You'd change your name to Catch too. Actually, Catch was in a car accident that took the life of his wife and child and he hasn't gotten over it. Making Sharon's life miserable is her own living family, which has a history of wife-beating that Sharon brought to light. Her family resents her for it, and she's cast as the outsider. And here's the great part -- director Luis Mandoki ends up condoning the wife-beating!

I'm not sure what the guy's problem is exactly, but if Mandoki had paced this film any slower he could have used a slide projector. Apparently, Mandoki was the only one who read the script and didn't guess the ending after the first two lines of dialogue. The clich├ęs are so heavy, there's actually a part toward the end (watch for this) where Jennifer Lopez reacts to the sight of Catch standing by her car before she actually sees him. Then they get into her Jeep and drive away together. Catch drives, which is supposed to be a huge thing for him. As he drives away, he keeps looking over at Sharon. Now, you'd think a guy who turned his wife and kid into street pizza not too long ago would learn to KEEP HIS EYES ON THE ROAD, but apparently that's asking too much. By that point, my only reaction to the sight of that Jeep was a deep, powerful desire to tie a big rope around a large hook, insert the hook into my eyeball, tie the other end of the rope to the Jeep's trailer hitch, and tell Crash -- I mean, Catch -- to floor it.

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