Baby Geniuses

Bomb Rating: 

Director Bob Clark sees this as his bestopportunity since "Porky's" to re-establish himself as the Director to Watch by farting out an updated "Look Who's Talking XXVIII."

I had to read a Tony Robbins book to work up enough motivationto even see this film. I also considered taking a fall and trying to catch my forehead on the corner of a coffee table or, failing that, finding an actual baby genius I could drop-kick, thereby hopefully remaining incarcerated long enough for this film to disappear from theaters.

Basically, this is "Babe" with kids instead of farm animals. The filmmakers use computers to make the kids' mouths look like they're saying stuff, which is far more creepy than endearing. The story is that the evil Dr. Kinder (Kathleen Turner) and her assistant (Christopher Lloyd) are conducting experiments on babies. They have kidnapped several, including Sly, who has a twin brother named Whit -- both of whom are children of Peter MacNicol and that anorexic chick who starred in "Mannequin." Plausibly enough, the anorexic chick from "Mannequin" is unaware that she had twins.

Somehow Kathleen Turner has gone from "that hot babe in 'Body Heat'" to a refugee of the Avon Wars. Hoping for Kathleen to enunciate an "R" is like hoping for Jerry Springer to articulate a conscience. It's like she's trying desperately not to sound like Gilda Radner doing Barbara Walters. Maybe she and Sylvester Stallone should have some kids -- they'd come out speaking some kind of monkey dialect.

Anyway, there's all this convoluted, ridiculous crap about babies having their own language and knowing the secrets of the universe, and naturally director Bob Clark sees this as his best opportunity since "Porky's" to re-establish himself as the Director to Watch by farting out an updated "Look Who's Talking XXVIII." I suppose if you're Bob Clark, babies do look like geniuses.

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