Bad Santa

Bomb Rating: 

The "look at Santa vomit and cuss" joke is funny the first 30 or 40 times, but by minute 45, the gag smells about as pleasant as a rotting fruitcake.

Spirited holiday moviegoers will be delighted to learn that Santa is actually a foul-mouthed criminal with a penchant for hard liquor and anal sex. Such is the shtick of "Bad Santa." Willie Soke (Billy Bob Thornton) gets hired as a department store Claus each year so that he can empty the safe on Christmas Eve.

The "look at Santa vomit and cuss" joke is funny the first 30 or 40 times, but by minute 45, the gag smells about as pleasant as a rotting fruitcake. Ha ha, look: Santa's drunk. Santa's swearing. Santa's sanding the Angelina Jolie tattoo off his ass. And is it just me, or is Billy Bob on a curious career track? After playing a lecherous U.S. president in "Love Actually" and now evil Santa, I fully expect to see him in Mel Gibson's upcoming film as the Belching Jesus.

Santa's partner in crime is a foul-mouthed elf (ha ha, look: the elf is swearing), and Bernie Mac joins the cast as a creepy mall security guard. Creepiest of all, however, is the chubby little kid that fixates on Bad Santa and -- wouldn't you know it? -- teaches him how to love.

Director Terry Zwigoff brings us the only thing worse than a movie stuffed full of syrupy holiday conventions: a movie where each of these conventions is hauled out and then, for lack of any better ideas, systematically stomped on. Zwigoff vandalizes convention for the sheer thrill of desecration. As a result, "Bad Santa" certainly lives up to its name.

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Mr. Fool set up your Miami Santa gig for next winter

Dan_in_Cincinnati's picture

 You know you don't want to be in Canuckistan that time of the year.  The ad does not say if pants are optional.

From Craigslist:

 

Real Bearded Santa Claus Contact Us (North Miami Beach, FL)

Date: 2010-06-04, 12:36PM EDT
Reply to: gigs-cepcc-1774994566@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?]

If you are a real bearded Santa in the Miami area please contact Terry Lenahan at santamiami@yahoo.com. 
We'll be arranging Christmas gigs from our contact list. 
Any questions contact: Georgia 770-757-0447 

  • Location: North Miami Beach, FL
  • it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
  • Compensation: per gig

http://miami.craigslist.org/mdc/evg/1774994566.html

{;-) Dan (that merry old elf) in Miami

 

 

Meh. I did Miami in the early '80s.

RidingFool's picture

Damn but I loved that movie! I particularly enjoyed Santy's female companion. Line her up for me at Christmas and I'll be down in a New York minute! Coaster would probably show up for that too.

Santa's Key West Cougar parties!

Dan_in_Cincinnati's picture

 

Jingle balls indeed.  Pants optional.  Sit on Santa's lap and tell him what a bad little cougar you have been all year.  Only $399 with motorcycle rides and Pina Coladas included. 

{;-) Dan (send me to Margaritaville) in Miami

 

 

Got the beard for it but I'll need a new pair of rubber pants

Rajah's picture

Kiddie urine will eat through rubber in no time

I don't wear pants

RidingFool's picture

so there's no way in hell I'm going to let any kids on my lap. Well, unless they're 21 year old kids.

Christmas is such a wonderful time of year.

RidingFool's picture
  • Fresh snow covers everything and makes the world look so much better.
  • People are in a giving and sharing mood.
  • Mankind (at least the Santa-loving kind of man) surrenders just a little of his meanness.
  • More turkey after Thanksgiving!
  • The kids are so excited to be seeing Santa for the first time.

tinyurl.com/2cepzp3

 

When did you find out?

Rajah's picture

you were on tape?

*sings* You better watch out,

RidingFool's picture

you better not cry,

or I'll run you over!

www.youtube.com/watch

I wouldn't want any of the denizens of this place left out

RidingFool's picture

of the season's celebrations, thus I have this for you:

www.flashgame6.com/24655/snowball-game

Merry Christmas to all of you shiftless bums and other ne'er-do-wells out there. You know who you are.

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