Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever

Bomb Rating: 

One would guess that evildoers everywhere would grow suspicious as report after report came in to Evil Headquarters about the drunk guy who suddenly started doing back flips, karate chops, and kicking everyone's rear end all over the place.

In this film, Antonio Banderas looks just a tiny bit better than Nick Nolte did in that now infamous police photo. I guess we're supposed to be impressed by the fact that secret super agent Jeremiah Ecks can go from a bender one minute to kicking some serious ass the next.

One would guess that evildoers everywhere would grow suspicious as report after report came in to Evil Headquarters about the drunk guy who suddenly started doing back flips, karate chops, and kicking everyone's rear end all over the place. That's when the evil all-points bulletin goes out warning bad guys everywhere to look out for the dumpy-looking guy with the four o'clock shadow who always seems to be hanging around their secret gathering place.

There's an explanation for this lack of grooming: Ecks has lost his wife. Amazingly, she's not dead. He actually lost her. Apparently, he's unaware that she's run off and married Robert Gant, an evildoer. I have no idea how this could happen because I think evil people have to go through public records to get married like everyone else, and when it turns out that your fiancé is already married to another person who isn't dead, they don't give you the marriage license. This Gant fellow also thinks that the kid he's got with the wife of a former secret agent is actually his. Again, some simple records checking would have resolved a lot of these problems for Gant.

To make matters worse, Sever (Lucy Liu) kidnaps the little brat because Gant has injected him with a miniature robot that can kill its host without being detected. Why is it in the kid? We don't know, but it seems to lead to an awful lot of fighting amongst Ecks and Sever and Ross (Ray Park) and Gant.

I certainly hope director Wych Kaosayananda's grasp on reality is better than his grasp of film technique and plot.

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