Barney's Great Adventure

Bomb Rating: 

I love you. You love me. We both love the in-out, in-out.

(Due to an unforeseen and highly bizarre malfunction, Mr. Cranky's review of "Barney's Great Adventure" was fused with a review of "A Clockwork Orange." Apologies oh me purple brother.) Undoubtedly, the young ones will gather in the Corova Milk Bars sipping away at the moloko vellocet, drencrom or sythemesc, and taste of the soothing songwork and peaceful feelings that is the large, stuffed malchick, Barney.

This story, as it were, starts as Barney and his droogs sit around pondering what to do with their razoodocs and a weepy, young devotchka. Barney, being the leader and all, suggests they perform a little of the old in-out, in-out followed by a rousing bit of the ultra-violence.

Barney and his droogs proceed like hogs of the road to perform the surprise visit on the unsuspecting as their auto shakes their guttiwutts. Since the ultra-violence and the large purple go so well together, Barney rapes another young devotchka to the tune of "I love you. You love me. We both love the in-out, in-out."

Eventually, Barney, your humble narrator, is captured after beating an old woman senseless with a ceramic yarlburl and tortured by the police -- made to listen to old Ludwig Van until even the thought of it makes him feel like a globby bottle of stinking chip oil. And would you believe, me brothers, that your humble narrator was turned positively good by the state, left free of the need for the ultra-violence, to sing their praises and be a good, obedient droog?

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