Basic Instinct 2

Bomb Rating: 

It's certain that all of us will someday be considered over-the-hill. It's just that some get there faster than others. Unfortunately, Sharon Stone got there just shortly after the appearance of the famous leg-spreading scene in "Basic Instinct" and subsequent interviews where she claimed that director Paul Verhoeven tricked her - a feat rather hard to pull off given Stone had a several thousand watt bulb illuminating her crotch like a runway at the airport in the middle of the night.

Fast forward fourteen years later and some genius has decided to make a sequel, employing a now 48-year-old Stone to reprise her roll (sic) as the suspect serial murderer/writer Catherine Tramell. It was an announcement that caused a collective groan throughout the world that was so loud Bill O'Reilly actually couldn't hear himself talking for a moment.

The premise of the sequel is about as different from the original as mild cheddar is from sharp: Tramell is so sexy that no man can resist her and in his quest to bed her, will lose all his mental faculties. Our idiot for this go-round is Dr. Michael Glass (David Morrissey), who must evaluate Tramell after she drives her Porsche off a bridge and kills a star soccer player.

Following along with "Basic Instinct 2" is like reading every tenth page of a mystery novel. The only truth in the entire movie is that Dr. Glass lets the little head do the thinking for the big head as the murders pile up. Had he any professionalism at all, he would have dropped Tramell as both a patient and an acquaintance within five minutes of meeting her. Instead, his self-righteousness gets the best of him and he ends up being outwitted, outplayed, and outlasted. Following in Glass's quest to stroke his ego until it kills him is Detective Roy Washburn (David Thewlis), who insists on nailing Tramell in an entirely different fashion.

Given that Tramell slinks around London having sex with every manner of street urchin available to her - and that she's been doing this her whole life - one wonders how it's possible that her famous crotch isn't a Petri dish full of every venereal disease known to human kind. Furthermore, Tramell lights up a cigarette at every opportunity and has a fondness for illicit drugs. This is all to say that while Stone may look good for her age, the reality is that such behavior in the real world would likely leave her less sexy and irresistible and more partially decomposed.

If your fear response is triggered thinking about this film, trust THAT basic instinct.

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