Beautiful Girls

Bomb Rating: 

Imagine for a moment that you're a small-town loser who has parlayed his dreams of fame and fortune into a snow shoveling business.

Imagine for a moment that you're a small-town loser who has parlayed his dreams of fame and fortune into a snow shoveling business. Basically, you're stupid, poor and ugly. Nevertheless, both Lauren Holly and Mira Sorvino want to sleep with you. What do you do? Well, if you're a normal human male, you run around town naked in a fit of drooling, hormonal glee. But if you're Matt Dillon and you're in the most recent film to clumsily pander to Generation-X types, you go to a bar with your friends and spew cliche-riddled dialogue about the difficulty of commitment and the strange nature of the opposite sex.

Another issue central to this film is: When is Timothy Hutton going to comb his hair? Tim plays Willie, a bar pianist and another lifelong failure who comes back to smallville for his ten-year high school reunion. Throughout the film you're always hoping he'll comb it, thus discovering his mature self, but he never does. Willie has the same problem as Tommy (Dillon) and his other friend, Paul (Michael Rapaport): They all want better women than they currently have.

Uma Thurman plays Andira, the "Beautiful Girls" version of the Snuffalupagus from "Sesame Street." She enters the scene, teaches the boys how to spell something and then wanders off mysteriously. Rosie O'Donnell plays Oscar the Grouch, teaching the boys that real nipples don't stick straight out unless they're attached to plastic.

This is also one of those films that's compelled to blast a contemporary rock song or Neil Diamond tune whenever a character gets in a car or turns on a snowblower, which is the corporate way of saying, "in case this movie sucks, please buy the soundtrack."

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