Beauty Shop

Bomb Rating: 

Apparently, audiences can't get enough of movies featuring a bunch of people who cut hair while yapping amongst themselves for 90 minutes. As Hollywood disgorges films from its formula factory like the monster from "Alien" disgorging sticky eggs (happy belated Easter, by the way), "Beauty Shop" follows "Barbershop" and "Barbershop 2" as the latest episode of the nascent and apparently lucrative "Black People Cut Hair" genre.

Since this makes "Beauty Shop" little more than a paint-by-numbers exercise, see if you can guess what happens in this film: When Gina (Queen Latifah) is fired from her stylist job by her eurosnob boss Jorge (Kevin Bacon), she:

  • Starts her own shop and ultimately gives Jorge his well-deserved comeuppance.
  • Starts her own shop, but finds that bitching about a business is easier than actually running a business. She returns to Jorge begging for her job back, takes a pay cut and learns the value of keeping her mouth shut.
  • She continues to work for Jorge, but seethes with quiet resentment, getting angrier and angrier at Jorge, herself and the world, and eventually drinks herself into a life of homelessness and despair. Roll credits.

When Gina hires her friend Lynn (Alicia Silverstone) as the lone white stylist in Gina's new barbershop, Lynn:

  • Is initially hazed by the black stylists, but after adopting her coworker's colloquialisms and hairstyles, is accepted as a coworker and friend.
  • Is initially hazed by the black stylists, then hazed and hazed and hazed some more until she flees the shop crying, never to return.
  • Is hazed by the black stylists until she erupts in a vicious racist diatribe. Roll credits.

When Gina learns that the piano music from above her shop emanates from the building's hunky electrician (Djimon Hounsou), she:

  • Discovers that he's a gentleman, a scholar, an artist, a mentor to her daughter, a hardbody and a great kisser. Ultimately, she gets herself some Djimon mustard.
  • Pursues him to only be rejected because he claims her ass is too big.
  • Finds that he lives in a rundown apartment above a barbershop because he's a scary psychopath who eats cats. Roll credits.

When Gina finds her beauty shop vandalized:

  • She's initially discouraged, but her new friends gather around and encourage her to buck up and see it through.
  • She's initially discouraged, and so are her friends, so they abandon the shop and it's turned into a liquor store.
  • She blames Jesus. Roll credits.

If you take this quiz and get less than four out of four, you'll no doubt enjoy all the surprise twists and turns in "Beauty Shop."

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