Being an old guy, director Robert Zemeckis obviously holds to the opinion that the impact of certain things, like nudity and violence, is less serious, less psychologically scarring, when done in animation than when done in live action. The MPAA seems to agree with him, having given "Beowulf" a PG-13 rating.

Clearly, there's a disconnect between the MPAA, Zemeckis, and actual people. "Beowulf" is proof that the MPAA ought to be dissolved because it's a useless institution whose ratings are completely subjective and pointless. Just tell people what's in the films and let them decide for themselves whether or not they want to go see it. Worried about the children? Shit, CBS is airing episodes of "Dexter" on prime time television. Most kids know what "bukkake" means because they have ready unlimited access to something called the Internet. Maybe if we got rid of the ratings system parents would actually have to, um, parent.

"Beowulf" is chock full of violence, sexual innuendo, heaving bosoms, guys getting ripped in half, and a fully nude Angelina Jolie. I mean, her nipples are obscured by some gold stuff and she's animated, I guess, but she's pretty much nude. Her genital area looks like a Barbie, but I still think it's enough for most pubescent boys to pull pud over. Hell, remember when people where going crazy over seeing Jessica Rabbit's box during a millisecond scene in "Who Framed Roger Rabbit?" If that kind of animated pussy could titillate a nation, imagine what Jolie's animated box will do. Shaved pussy is all the rage today anyway, so this is almost an advertisement for new cultural standards.

"Beowulf" is the second animated feature from Zemeckis to use actual actors and stop-motion computer graphics. The first was "Polar Express", which featured freaky-looking animated versions of Tom Hanks, Tom Hanks, and Tom Hanks. This film utilizes the same technique and is equally disturbing. I mean, there's the kind of soft focus we're used to in movies in television, there's photoshopping, then there's this. Old, boring actors are new again. I'm not sure what Zemeckis is trying to do here or why, but I don't like it at all. It's just disturbing. It's bad enough that people in films are already disconnected from reality (I realize I've used the word disconnect twice now), but now the actors are disconnected from themselves.

Beowful (Ray Winstone) is portrayed as a superhero. He comes to the aid of Hrothgar (Anthony Hopkins) to rid Hrothgar's land of the demon Grendel (Crispin Glover). He does so, but when he tries to also rid the land of Grendel's mother (Angelina Jolie), he's presented with a devil's deal: provide her with a son and a dragon horn and remain the king forever. I have no idea why Beowulf accepts this deal, but he does. I guess we're to believe that he wanted to boink Grendel's mother that much (again, this is PG-13?). I mean, I suppose that makes sense: screw Angelina Jolie and get to be king for the rest of your life. Sounds good. Naturally, things don't turn out that way.

Much like "Polar Express", there's something artificial and unpleasant about "Beowful". Zemeckis' obsession with this animation technique has clearly become an annoyance to us all.