Beverly Hills Ninja

Bomb Rating: 

Not only is Farley fat -- he's sweaty, stupid and full of the kindof manic energy usually found only in lab rats who've been pumped so full of speed that they eventually explode.

The gravitationally-challenged must be as thrilled asstarving pigs at the trough to know that Chris Farley has emerged as their new Jesus. Finally, an actor has come along to give people the reason they always needed to stare and laugh uncontrollably at fat people.

Not only is Farley fat -- he's sweaty, stupid and full of the kind of manic energy usually found only in lab rats who've been pumped so full of speed that they eventually explode. In his latest film, "Beverly Hills Ninja," Farley once again uses these gifts to exploit the moronic obsession people have with falling down and running into stuff.

Farley plays Haru, who is discovered as a baby by the Ninja clan in Japan and thought to be the Great White Ninja. When a beautiful American (Nicollette Sheridan) comes to his dojo with a problem (perhaps boyfriend Michael Bolton has taken a disturbing liking to his own music), Haru goes to the hills of Beverly to help her (luckily for the audience, her screen boyfriend turns out to merely be a counterfeiter and killer).

The real horror of this film comes not from watching Farley run into lamp posts and hit himself with various martial arts weapons, but from watching the audience giggle at his various mishaps and then stare blankly when director Dennis ("Happy Gilmore") Dugan tries to do something even mildly creative. Confused, audience members then typically add an audible commentary that invariably starts with "duh." If you're one of these people, do the rest of us a favor and stay at home -- forever.

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