The Big Hit

Bomb Rating: 

If "The Big Hit" is really the "right one" or "very original,"it's time for me to start grunting like an ape and throwing my own feces at the theater screen.

This is one of those films that suffers from the sort of psychosis that comes when too many people are ramming their hands in the filmmaking cookie jar. It's the story of a hitman, Mel (Mark Wahlberg), who gets caught up in a kidnapping engineered by his friend, Cisco (Lou Diamond Phillips), which goes bad when the kidnappee, Keiko (China Chow), turns out to be the goddaughter of their boss, Paris (Avery Brooks).

The film's production notes reveal that the producer, Warren Zide, "a top Hollywood literary manager," recognized the greatness of the script and turned it over to Wesley Snipes' company, Amen Ra, which was similarly impressed. The script was then passed on to director Che-Kirk Wong, who had already "sifted" through over a hundred action scripts and after reading "The Big Hit," "knew he had the right one." Said Wong: "The script was very original.... Obviously, I enjoy doing action sequences, but action means nothing if we don't have decent characters."

The movie is about a group of jive-talking criminals who have a vocabulary that features "motherfucker" as its primary adjective and "bitch" as its preferred referent for women. One of the characters, Crunch (Bokeem Woodbine), is obsessed with a newly discovered hobby: masturbation. Now look back at the previous paragraph and try to reconcile these things with "greatness," "right one," "very original," and "decent characters."

It really is as though human communication has disintegrated to the point where words have lost objective meaning. If "The Big Hit" is really the "right one" or "very original," it's time for me to start grunting like an ape and throwing my own feces at the theater screen. Perhaps these "top" Hollywood geniuses will then think I'm remarkably creative and pay me millions of dollars to write scripts for them.

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