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Blade 2
Mr. Cranky's rating:
You'd swear Frank Oz is going to pop up from behind a curtain and pull his arm out of Kristofferson's withered rear end.
If Wesley Snipes is such a tough guy, why does he need all those special effects to help him with his martial arts? Okay, I realize Snipes probably can't do a triple back flip and leap fifty feet across a room, and that his insurance carrier probably won't let him wipe his own ass for fear of a freak injury, but I thought this guy was some sort of actual martial artist."Blade 2" is the follow-up to "Blade" in which we were introduced to the comic book hero who is a good vampire known as the "Day Walker." He represses the thirst for blood by taking drugs and along with his partner, Whistler (Kris Kristofferson), battles evil vampires. In "Blade 2," Blade (Snipes) joins with his vampire enemies to hunt down and kill a new breed of vampires led by Nomak (Luke Goss) who kill not only humans, but vampires as well.
This movie marks a new evolution in Kris Kristofferson's career as he is now actually being played by a muppet. Seriously, take a look at the guy -- he's so wrinkled and weird-looking you'd swear Frank Oz is going to pop up from behind a curtain and pull his arm out of Kristofferson's withered rear end.
During the course of this mutant vampire hunt, Blade starts falling for Nyssa (Leonor Varela), one of the specially-trained vamps sent along to help him. Their interactions provide some of the most painful of the movie as both of the actors take time out from running around to actually try their hand at acting, which they suck at. Director Guillermo Del Toro mistakenly turns serious for a moment in an attempt to convey actual feeling, instead of sticking to the
blood-splattering he was hired to enable.
If this movie gives us anything to look forward to, it's that in "Blade 3", Snipes will probably finally be replaced by a computer-generated character altogether. At that point, expect Blade's emotional range to improve considerably.
Was it really that bad?
You tell us! Discuss "Blade 2" in the Mr. Cranky forum below!
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Messages:
- Public Apology to Jessalyn Leyra Karen_G
- unreal but cool Neptune69
- worst movie ever forumman111
- The DVD has extra features for a snoozefest... ihatewhitepeople
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- Blade 2 Darkthorne
- JASON X??????????? FRICK!!! metaletemon27
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- Galluping Too Quickly To The Polls? Wulfgar
- Dudley Moore's dead. :-( Milkman_Dan
- Goose-stepping fascists at the SDMB. ModernRonin
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- Actually... TribunicianVeto
- Well that takes the cake for the most non-sequiter post . Hairhead
- Tribune . . Hairhead
- Haha... colonel_korn
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- The time is ripe... Wulfgar
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- Mmmmmmm-mmmmmmm.... Wulfgar
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- Um, Niblet? Try not to think convenor
- gee, convenor. you seem a bit testy. colonel_korn
- "This makes Bush look like a real whore" Ringo_ate_my_baby
- I saw those photos TribunicianVeto
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- <yawn> Homeboy
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- John Doe sent me this AEWSOME link uber
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- Sandy's Crankyland Rental Movie Review "The City of Lost Children" Sandy_BockCock_McCockins
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- August 27th, 1983. liquid-sunshine
- Mia Wallace. John_Doe
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- Bugger 'Blade 2', 'Zorro the Gay Blade' is a much better film Edgar_Britt
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- Anyone in for a bet? Is *this* the real Uber... Lord_Rabbit
- Anyone in for a bet? Is *this* the real Uber... Lord_Rabbit
- This is the real Uber Uber
- No!!! *I* am the real Uber! ModernRonin
- *sigh* I am Brian and so is my wife! Lord_Rabbit
- Rabit, you are but a victim of the treacherous Uberfake Coaster
- and one more thing . . . Coaster
- Hmm. Weeeel, Mr. Coaster... Confused Lord_Rabbit
- Simulpost WHAT!?!? Bubbles is... Lord_Rabbit
- I'm telling you Uber ain't Uber Coaster
- Well, I'm going to bed (2:50 AM) Still in shock of Bubble's ID Lord_Rabbit
- I AM THE REAL UBER (accept no substitutes) Uber
- Uber, like you forgetting Hebrew, M'Lord seems to have forgotten scobie_beasley
- Uber! Coaster
- Er .... Just One Question for the both of yous Coaster
- I once swore to myself... Milkman_Dan
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- Rabbit Marion
- Dear Marion: Lord_Rabbit
- Obligatory post proving once and for all, The Earl Of PsychoRabbit
- En Scobie_Beasly is een eikel Lord_Rabbit
- Marion/Lord_Rabbit/Bubbles_Powerpuff Coaster
- And Rabbit Coaster
- Alas, I have decided Lord_Rabbit
- M'Lord, zoals de waard is, vertrouwd hij zijn gasten. scobie_beasley
- http://www.sexwoordenboek.nl/eikel.html for the dutch-challenged.Crankizens scobie_beasley
- Lord Rabbit: Don't feel bad about the Bubbles/Marion thing. Here's why Coaster
- Interesting, PsychoRabbit posted in that thread Coaster mentioned colonel_korn
- all right... Ringo_ate_my_baby
- Whew, Coaster... Lord_Rabbit
- Do the Dutch still wear those cute little wooden shoes? Lord_Wabbit
- Another interesting Dutch fact Lord_Wabbit
- An interesting historical Dutch fact Lord_Wabbit
- And how about those little Dutch boys? Lord_Wabbit
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- [FOX FANFARE]: Okaay, Wabbit. Two possibilities: you either suck.. Accept no substitutes, Lord_Rabbit
- It's easy to identify a Marion handle. Badtz_Maru
- Not true, not true. Ex Marion-Fan Lord_Rabbit
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- That's good advice, "Badtz" Marion
- You used to be interesting. Badtz_Maru
- You keep saying shit like that. . . Marion
- So... Now when will another Latino win a Best Actor Oscar? Parca_Mortem
- phlim phlam mia_wallace
- For your amusement/derision. ModernRonin
- hmmmm Nicky
- This is interesting Ickyru
- I hate my friend who sent me this just now... skilly
- Saw Zoolander Last Night... CorneliusD
- Oscars Question mangy-ranger
- wanna see my puppies? mia_wallace
- Sir Ian takes his grandson to the Oscars Spanky
- Tom Green shows up to receive Razzies Aron
- Cranky wasn't there last night Ickyru
- Academy Award Breasts? Rochelle
- God help him agony
- Another notable exception - Kate Winslet. Throwing_Muses
- Hey, speaking as someone with a tailored front grille myself — Philm_Phan
- i didn't notice that at all mia_wallace
- I saw some of the pictures... skilly
- Cameron Diaz has not aged well. Homeboy
- She needs to eat something, all right... Bob_St_Cul
- Once I saw a photo of her naked... Lord_Rabbit
- Mia, was the accent on the labial or the labiodental or the glottal stop? scobie_beasley
- Spoken like a flat chested woamn, Philm Phan Nick-The-Knife
- And I have to agree with skilly Nick-The-Knife
- yeah... Ringo_ate_my_baby
- Think beer, Nick: not flat, but tasteful Philm_Phan
- What's the Scoop? Dan_in_Cincinnati
- Philm Phan Nick-The-Knife
- hey guys, mia_wallace
- you dumb freak, Mia... Ringo_ate_my_baby
- well, Ringo, in mia's defense hunter
- i dunno mia_wallace
- Well, mia..... Shakesmear
- And noone's accused her of being scobie_beasley
- Dido say something, scobie? (nt) Shakesmear
- Shakes, latin is so last weak. <nt> scobie_beasley
- scobie Shakesmear
- well, at least no one's accusing me of being the shift key monitor mia_wallace
- Nick & Coaster: I am the real Uber. Ignore imposters. Uber
- Fuck Will Smith Reloaded agony
- Music poll: Eamon_J_Doyle
- Weekend DVD: Donnie Darko (spoilers) Morrison_Hotel
- *yawn*... good mornin', everybody... Theodoric
- Oh yeah. Faded
- THE OSCARS ARE OVER! Beautiful Mind wins best picture....Thoughts everyone? Masked_Loser
- Sandy's Crankyland Rant: "Military Commercials". Sandy_BockCock_McCockins
- Lyrics of my own: "Itching Scalp & Bean Burrito" Milkman_Dan
- For the record, e'rybody... Eamon_J_Doyle
- Uh, no, I didn't... Milkman_Dan
- For the record, here's the exact transcript... Milkman_Dan
- Oh no bitch you didn't Eamon_J_Doyle
- Hey my drivel is better than yours! Prince_Mongo
- About the burritos... Eamon_J_Doyle
- Well... Wulfgar
- Don't lie, Wulf. Eamon_J_Doyle
- And you... Wulfgar
- The logic of Wulfgar: Eamon_J_Doyle
- Eamoron... Wulfgar
- Wulf... Eamon_J_Doyle
- You see... Wulfgar
- Wulfgar is a big drunk liar. Eamon_J_Doyle
- I just intercepted this letter, lord knows how. Shakesmear
- That letter is a fraud, Shakes. LRT
- This thread discriminates against big, drunk liars. LRT
- Hey! Wulfgar
- Shakes and LRT... Eamon_J_Doyle
- "SO" of course being an acronym for... skilly
- I must apologize to everyone, but I cannot help pointing this out to Shakes Prince_Mongo
- That was *really* weak, skilly. Eamon_J_Doyle
- At least I'm smart enough... skilly
- Mongo Shakesmear
- Mongo scobie_beasley
- skilly and Shakes... Eamon_J_Doyle
- Gaymon... skilly
- "Gaymon"? Eamon_J_Doyle
- Okay....GOODmon..... MonkeyKing
- "Fag," now? Eamon_J_Doyle
- from the news of the wierd daz
- CRANKYLAND FANFICTION: "Mia_Wallace: I HAVE A GRAND SLAM YEAST INFECTION!" Sandy_BockCock_McCockins
- Two new Jason Flatowicz poems... Eamon_J_Doyle
- "Maggots were born in the noses of two comatose patients..." mendo
- BTW, I hereby apologize for previously blasting 'Kelly's Heroes' SPOILERS Lord_Rabbit
- So...I was in a car accident last night. Eamon_J_Doyle
- Thanks for that collection of gay porn, Coaster uber
- Mongo! Your presence is required in Keanuville. BatRay
- Top o'the morning, everybody. the return of the Mad-Ness_Monster
- So, has there been a consensus on where to post about the Oscars? Theodoric
- what ever happened to.... Bigbang
- My birthday's coming up; www.amazon.com/o/registry/18MA7ANV0P6Q1 (NT) Milkman_Dan
- Luke Goss?? Edgar_Britt
- Me and the Coaster Kids just got back from this Coaster
- How do I get boys&girls to be interested in me? Sandy_BockCock_McCockins
- Mongo and Faded Nick-The-Knife
- Nick Is A Real Flamer, Guys. liquid-sunshine
- Well, if anyone knows what a flamer is, liquid... Nick-The-Knife
- I Can't Out Flame You, Nick. liquid-sunshine
- Besides, Nick. liquid-sunshine
- I like the way you talk about me being homophobic while calling me gay Nick-The-Knife
- Homophobic gay jokes at my expense? Real mature, Nick... Milkman_Dan
- Okay, you're mad... Nick-The-Knife
- Once again I apologize for not making it obvious enough in my second post Prince_Mongo
- What? Faded
- That wasn't sarcasm, Faded Nick-The-Knife
- Now everyone is confused and Mongo will explain Prince_Mongo
- I wasn't confused. Faded
- No, I guess I was confused Nick-The-Knife
- 'At least it's good to know that we're straight. ' colonel_korn
- HEY, MAN!!! Nick-The-Knife
- WTF was going down in the BatRay thread below? scobie_beasley
- I am, there 4, enter tain me... mendo
- Here we are now, entertain us Prince_Mongo
- I sit and drink pennyroyal tea Eamon_J_Doyle
- What else should I be? Bob_St_Cul
- I'm a negative creep and I'm stoned... Milkman_Dan
- My heart is broke Charles_Bukowski
- i am familiar with your so-called "flaming" mia_wallace
- Teenage angst has paid off well Bob_St_Cul
- 'said the wicked witch...' Lord_Rabbit
- simulpost: or how Bob ended up in the crossfire... Lord_Rabbit
- methinks lord rabbid is a bit jealous mia_wallace
- Damn Damn Damn DAmn Lord_Rabbit
- okay funny bunny say it again mia_wallace
- I believe that was directed at me Nick-The-Knife
- Is anyone else having this problem with the site? Hellbilly
- Women! liquid-sunshine
- Finally broke down and bought a DVD player - Float Away Little Butterfly Hellbilly
- Crankyland Sandy Cock's Movie Review: "Y tu mama Tambien" (spoilers) Sandy_BockCock_McCockins
- from the bastards that brought you lumber tariffs Shakesmear
- Hey, Mr. Cranky! Parca_Mortem
- And Tom Green won big at the Razzies... Parca_Mortem
- "Memento", "In the Bedroom" win big at the Spirit Awards... Parca_Mortem
- I am the king of laziness. colonel_korn
- Xur, Proof that I was Right about The Time Machine Coaster
- A couple things Eamon_J_Doyle
- UBER GRABS JOHN DOE'S CROTCH, AND BOOKMARKS THIS Uber_Conqueror
- Reviewing the previews... ModernRonin
- "SLEEPiNG BEATY: UNCENSORED AND UNCUT" Mikurtis
- more israeli/arab excitement!! the best show on earth! Bigbang
- Mendo! Faded
- WHAT DOES A HILLBILLY DO ON OCTOBER 31? Sandy_BockCock_McCockins
- Hilarity from www.vfemmes.com, the official website for the band... Milkman_Dan
- Quick poll: Who likes the Violent Femmes? (NT) Milkman_Dan
- My review of Blade 2 is up if you want it. ModernRonin
- I can't fucking BELIEVE I missed you Nick-The-Knife
- Holy shit! Faded
- Okay, I'm back, I'm feeling refreshed, and I'm ready to kick a little ass.. BatRay
- Right here, BatDope Nick-The-Knife
- god batray mia_wallace
- Ooo, good one, Mia! Nick-The-Knife
- Round 1 of the Flame Wars Faded
- Well, THAT'S a bit of a let down... BatRay
- I'll fight you, Batty! Theodoric
- j00 411 5uX0|2z colonel_korn
- Yeah, well... I can't argue with that. BatRay
- Well, I can't argue with that either, CK.. BatRay
- ^_^ colonel_korn
- Oh. I caught that part. BatRay
- 4<7U411y, 1 |)0 colonel_korn
- This is pathetic. BatRay
- 4ny\/\/4y5, 1 G7G!!!11! colonel_korn
- Owww, my brain!!! BatRay
- ƒ= • • • BOINK¡!¡!¡ ³ ² ¹ º KÅ BLOOIE.·° mendo
- Round 2, The Combat Continues Faded
- Alright Mendo... BatRay
- He was talking about a bomb. And another thing. Pop my board's cherry! Faded
- Ummmm... I went there and I saw a huge cockroach. BatRay
- I didn't know that crickets frightened you so. Faded
- So sorry, BatDope Nick-The-Knife
- 1 G07 1337 373|2|\|41 F1|257135!!!11 colonel_korn
- Two more open spots. Faded
- Nick, for the LOVE OF GOD Technomage
- Thanks Technomage... BatRay
- Personally, I like 'Eamoron' colonel_korn
- Thanks BatRay Faded
- I try to be nice and this is what I get Nick-The-Knife
- heeheeheehee.... BatRay
- FOOOOODD FIIIIGHHHTT!!!!! BatRay
- Nick, you stupid man... You have dog hair. BatRay
- Nick has resorted to stealing his flames from Uber... BatRay
- so nick, when are we going to see you "take the gloves off"? mia_wallace
- Frankly, the thought of seeing him take *anything* off... BatRay
- One thing I've noticed.. BatRay
- Oh, and Nick...Regarding Monkey King.... BatRay
- Thanks, babes....some random thoughts for Nick: MonkeyKing
- Mia, MonkeyKing, and BatShit Nick-The-Knife
- Round 3 - Faded gets dissed? Faded
- Jesus, here we go again Nick-The-Knife
- damn Coaster
- A clarification for Nicolas Butterknife... MonkeyKing
- Time to break out the ladder, Nick... Milkman_Dan
- Hey Nick bro Prince_Mongo
- *Grabs Popcorn* colonel_korn
- Re: some advice from me, -and- some more advice from me... mendo
- No doubt, mon frere.... MonkeyKing
- mendo, re: BatSpray Technomage
- This is how it works Nick-The-Knife
- Nick Shakesmear
- I tried very hard to make it obvious Prince_Mongo
- Jeezus Christ Almighty!!! BatRay
- Alright, Bats - at your request. MonkeyKing
- WHAT??? This Flame War is OVER???!!!!! Coaster
- Oh, and how could I forget . . . Coaster
- I think I've been banned (Faded). curious1
- I got some tricks up the sleeve. Faded
- This was *not* a "flame war"... mendo
- Well, most of us did Nick-The-Knife
- Coda for Nick MonkeyKing
- And mendo, what the fuck's the matter with you? MonkeyKing
- Cut it out, Nick. Bulworth's not gay. Technomage
- Oh, and MonkeyKing Technomage
- mendo was just trying to make sure cooler heads prevailed Nick-The-Knife
- Goddammit!!! BatRay
- TM - MonkeyKing
- Breathe, MK. You're losing it. Technomage
- Non-sequiters already? MonkeyKing
- #1 Technomage
- Nick, Techno, any other stupid assfuckers... Milkman_Dan
- Well, I for one object to anyone using the word "fuck"... Nick-The-Knife
- Bully, you are such a lame little assboy Nick-The-Knife
- Why.... oh, why........ BatRay
- Nonsense, Bats... MonkeyKing
- Nicky Woman
- Nick... Milkman_Dan
- Woman Technomage
- jeez, some of these "newer posters" (pretty PC, 'eh?)... mendo
- You're such a tool, Mendo... MonkeyKing
- MonkeyKing, you fucking idiot!!!! Nick-The-Knife
- Woman Nick-The-Knife
- To quote FierceMolly Shakesmear
- One other thing Nick-The-Knife
- Ah, FierceMolly... Nick-The-Knife
- Re: Monkey King, you fucking idiot...<
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