The premise of the movie is that three kids are filming a documentary about a witch who lives in a forest out in the middle of Maryland. After learning a little bit about the witch, the kids -- Heather, Michael and Josh -- drive out to the middle of the forest, start hiking around and promptly get lost. Then they start hearing weird sounds and they all start freaking out. It's all shown as though the film itself is their lost footage.

First of all, I don't get lost and anybody who can walk out into the middle of a forest and get lost is an imbecile and deserves to be eaten by tree elves or whatever the hell is out there. These three bring a map and a compass with them, but promptly lose the map. Frankly, I need neither -- I just walk in one direction until I'm out and I probably choose the direction where I parked my car.

What's supposed to make the movie scary is that everybody starts arguing and screaming at the top of their lungs about which direction to walk. If that's scary, then so is raking your fingernails across a blackboard. If we're in the forest and you start arguing with me about which way we're walking, I leave you. End of story. If you persist, I kill you and make idiot burgers.