Blast from the Past

Bomb Rating: 

The idea that you should begin a story at its beginning is a tautology.Unfortunately, the meanings of most four-syllable words tend to elude most Hollywood filmmakers, and consequently we're treated to painful, pointless prologue such as that which so quickly marks "Blast From the Past" as a dud.

My point is that this particular story does not really begin until Adam (Brendan Fraser) steps out of the bomb shelter he's been cooped up in for the last 35 years, i.e. his entire life. As such, wasting valuable time watching Adam's parents (Christopher Walken, Sissy Spacek) root around in their underground cellar for damn near half an hour causes the kind of sensation most often associated with internal bleeding: It's painful, dull and doesn't go anywhere.

All I need to know is that Adam was born in 1964 and that his knowledge of the world consists of whatever his parents taught him. Adam emerges from his hole, and despite the fact that he has rickets from living underground like a grub for three decades, he immediately falls for Eve (Alicia Silverstone). Notice the biblical reference? Would it be less obvious if one of the ushers made you eat a Bible?

Eve needs a well-behaved man with pure intentions, and this son of a right-wing nut job is the perfect candidate. Never mind his stance on civil rights, or that his perfect woman is barefoot and pregnant. Who needs ethics when a man has good manners and can swing dance? Certainly not a '90s woman, nor a bunch of filmmakers whose only artistic ambition is good soundtrack sales.

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This movie great

Wesley Kvasnikoff's picture

If anyone has only negative to say of this glorious movie, I would put my life on it that it's because one lacks God and His teachings, among other ultimately valued traits. To not consider, accept, and be touched by the raw heartfelt wholesomeness of this beautiful story is to be completely tasteless and to lack empathy. This is the PERFECT family movie and couldn't be any more of value to one's time. It teaches us just how corrupt and twisted our current 'standards' are today, and how a simple touch of genuine kindness can truly prosper if only given the trust and chance. People need to understand that feelings like these are not illusions, but they still exist even today. There are still genuinely good people in this world, but it is commonly overlooked by a mass blindfold of media influence and plenty of garbage out there to corrupt our minds.

It sincerely disgusts me that someone can be so bold to put down such a much-needed class of movie these days. This world needs to accept God, accept rightfulness, dignity, respect, discipline, kindness, truthfulness, and most importantly, love. This is not impossible, but only merely limited by what you assign yourself to be: an ignorant fool, or a God-loving person who will go out of their way for anyone in need. This society has nothing on me, and I will always chose to stand strong for what is right.

Use your heart, and don't allow your head to get in the way. Have faith, have faith!!

Now I sit me down in school
Where praying is against the rule
For this great nation under God
Finds mention of Him very odd.
If Scripture now the class recites,
It violates the Bill of Rights.
And anytime my head I bow
Becomes a Federal matter now.
Our hair can be purple, orange or green,
That's no offense; it's a freedom scene.
The law is specific, the law is precise.
Prayers spoken aloud are a serious vice.
For praying in a public hall
Might offend someone with no faith at all.
In silence alone we must meditate,
God's name is prohibited by the state.
We're allowed to cuss and dress like freaks,
And pierce our noses, tongues and cheeks.
They've outlawed guns, but FIRST the Bible.
To quote the Good Book makes me liable.
We can elect a pregnant Senior Queen,
And the 'unwed daddy,' our Senior King.
It's 'inappropriate' to teach right from wrong,
We're taught that such 'judgments' do not belong.
We can get our condoms and birth controls,
Study witchcraft, vampires and totem poles.
But the Ten Commandments are not allowed,
No word of God must reach this crowd.
It's scary here I must confess,
When chaos reigns the school's a mess.
So, Lord, this silent plea I make:
Should I be shot; My soul please take!


Wesley, I agree with your intentions but this site is for satire

TMundoooooooooo's picture

...the whole idea of this website is to overly criticize every film that comes out. The whole premise draws attention to the films, and promotes intelligent discussion (we hope.)

While I agree with your beliefs, I must disagree with the poem. People can pray in school if they want, there is no law against it. People who pray aren't supposed to pray out loud in front of people, God wants us to do it in secret. There is definitely no law forbiding one to pray in school. There is a law that teachers can't teach prayer in school, or have class prayer. But if a person wants to pray in school, there is no law against it.

This was one hell of a cute movie

Rajah's picture

The whole premise was funny

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