Blue Streak

Bomb Rating: 

A moron in a room full of baboons is not a genius. Remember that. In this particular case, the moron is a jewel thief named Logan (Martin Lawrence), and the baboons are his friends, the cops, and the FBI agents he gets involved with trying to recover a diamond he hid in a construction site before being arrested. Now, two years later, that construction site is an LAPD police station.

See, if it weren't for the fact that everybody in this film except Martin Lawrence is a slobbering imbecile, the story would be about Logan's intimacy issues with hulking illiterates named Bubba and Billy Bob in a penitentiary somewhere ("They never want to just cuddle!") Fortunately for him, he walks into the police station, and they instantly think he's some kind of supercop because he talks street but he's really a cop. Or something like that. The logic here is as corroded as the plumbing on the set of a David E. Kelley production.

Logan's partner, Detective Carlson (Luke Wilson), has the cultural I.Q. of someone who just staggered out of a sheep orgy. His boss thinks he's a genius, while another cop, Hardcastle (William Forsythe), hypothesizes that Logan is working undercover for the FBI. And incidentally, can we try to think up some new names for characters besides ones from bad television shows? I mean, "Hardcastle"? Why not just name the guy "Ponch"?

Shockingly enough, everything Logan does while impersonating a police officer involves him bungling into some situation, then using his street smarts to wriggle out of it in a manner the police have never seen before. For a while he's trying to get this diamond out of one the ducts in the station, which is almost more infuriating than the idiotic characters. Naturally, each time Logan tries to get into one of those special gigantic air ducts one only sees in movies, somebody comes along and asks him what he's doing. Amazingly, once Logan has convinced everybody he's a cop, he can't figure out to just come back at night when nobody is around. Given how stupid these characters are, Logan could have just shot holes in the ceiling until the diamond fell out, and nobody would have figured out a thing.

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