Bordello of Blood

Bomb Rating: 

Rather than a traditional review, how about a bit of psychoanalysis?

Believe it or not, the producer and co-screenwriter of this film is none other than Robert Zemeckis, director of such wholesome films as "Forrest Gump" and "Back to the Future." Apparently Bob was sitting around the house one day and came up with this idea: "What if women were blood-sucking vampires who ran a whorehouse where they run around naked before killing their male customers? We could show lots of breasts and then show lots of exploding women dying like the thieving scoundrels they are. Damn them all! Fry in hell, I say! Fry! Fry!"

Psychoanalyst says, "Perhaps Bob has had a nasty divorce."

Needless to say, this tortured vision of a possible "Forrest Gump II" was not well-received by the studio, so Bob renamed it "Bordello of Blood." To grant Bob some feminist credit, however, it's worth noting that not all the women in this masterpiece are blood-sucking whores -- some are frigid religious zealots.

Psychoanalyst says, "Bob's Madonna-whore complex has not manifested itself so acutely since 'Who Framed Roger Rabbit.'"

Katherine (Erika Eleniak) is a bible-thumper who's more likely to break into a Swahili rendition of K.C. and the Sunshine Band's Greatest Hits then have sex. She helps the film's protagonist, Rafe Guttman (Dennis Miller), hunt down the head mistress bloodsucking-bitch vampire, Lilith (Angie Everhart) and rip her heart out -- an exchange which, as far as I could tell, doubled as the moral of the story.

Psychoanalyst says, "If Bob has some issues to work out, perhaps he should do so in the privacy of his own home."

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