Bride Wars

Bomb Rating: 

Watching Bride Wars is like being dragged to your third cousin's niece's wedding, then finding out that they're not even serving alcohol at the reception.

Anne Hathaway and Kate Hudson in Bride Wars

An expensive and elaborate wedding is the same as one of those old lottery tickets you see strewn across the street: completely worthless after the "special day."  The money spent would have been better off serving as toilet paper.

But having the perfect wedding is the dream of both Liv (Kate Hudson) and Emma (Anne Hathaway).  In fact, their desire for the exact same wedding, planned by Marion St. Claire (Candice Bergen) and performed at the Plaza Hotel, is about the only thing their friendship is based on.  It's all they fucking talk about.  And you get the sense it's all they've talked about for twenty plus years.

They both get engaged at the same time (surprise!), and since they both want to be in each others' weddings, Marion St. Claire books them two separate June dates, both at the Plaza, and the two brides go on their happy way, unaware of the contrived plot ahead of them.  When it turns out there was a clerical error and their weddings are booked on the same day, they go on a rampage, trying to screw up the other's plans.  I don't really know why they do this.  At this point, they obviously don't expect the other to cancel or move their wedding date, so I can only assume they're being petty and cruel for no reason. Funny. Haha.

Director Gary Winick apparently doesn't know that watching two spoiled brats plan their $30,000 weddings is a form of punishment that should be reserved only for the most heinous crimes.  Even in real life, no one cares about the details except the bride and the bride's obsessive "you're-gonna-have-the-wedding-I-never-had-whether-you-like-it-or-not" mom.

At the end, everything is resolved when Emma has an epiphany that she just can't fight anymore.  All the horrors of the past months immediately forgotten, Emma breaks up with her fiance and then stands at the alter during Liv's ceremony.  This all happens in about five minutes, quickly wrapping up all the loose strings with a laziness and contempt for the audience that, honestly, I found quite impressive in its sheer magnitude.

I would say that there are no likable characters in this movie, but the fact is that there ARE no characters in this movie. None.  Every line of dialogue and every action is in direct service to the plot.  It would have lost nothing in translation if everyone had been replaced with cardboard cutouts and The Muppets.

Watching Bride Wars is like being dragged to your third cousin's niece's wedding, then finding out that they're not even serving alcohol at the reception.  Use all your mental faculties to find an excuse to stay home.  I wish I had.

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Kate Hudson...

eezy_cowboy's picture

Seems to specialise in movies that are shown on long haul flights.

You know the type: Crap.

Hah, I watched the Kate Hudson E! True Hollywood Story...

HS's picture

...on an airplane recently.  I never realized her life was tumultuous enough to merit an E! True Hollywood Story (aside from her ill-advised relationship with that old geyser from The Black Crowes), but I digress.

Kate's alright I guess, although her movies are, for the most part, a bit too "vanilla" for me.  Still, Almost Famous was great, and she was the best thing about it.

 

HS

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