Brother Bear

Bomb Rating: 

I think that somebody at Disney messed up the title for this film. Isn't it supposed to be called "Brother Beer"? I mean, it's got Bob and Doug MacKenzie in it, so I'm pretty sure it's "Brother Beer."

I think that somebody at Disney messed up the title for this film. Isn't it supposed to be called "Brother Beer"? I mean, it's got Bob and Doug MacKenzie in it, so I'm pretty sure it's "Brother Beer." Sure, they're playing moose, but I think that the whole "Brother Bear" thing is simply some kind of distraction. This is clearly a movie that leads the moose -- and thus, leads children -- toward a life of alcoholism.

But I suppose if one ignores the alcoholic moose, it's a story about how a boy named Kenai (Joaquin Phoenix) learns to shit in the woods. See, he hates bears, kills one after his brother Denahi (Jason Raize) dies, and then is turned into a bear by the spirits. He then befriends a young bear named Koda (Jeremy Suarez) and learns that animals are good.

I'm starting to wonder if Disney movies aren't the places aging rockers go to make music when nobody wants to hear them croon anymore. I had enough of Phil Collins in his later years with Genesis, but then he had to go solo and torture people that way. Now, warbling for "Brother Bear," he's just a step above a child whacking a cello with a stick.

To spread the word about this Brother Bear review on Twitter.

To get instant updates of Mr. Cranky reviews, subscribe to our RSS feed.
0 Comments

Like This Brother Bear Review? Vote it Up.

1

Rate This Movie:

Average: 2.7 (3 votes)

Other Cranky Content You Might Enjoy

  • During this film I wished I was a dog, so I could laugh at the silly humans sitting in the movie theater having the life sucked right out of them while I sat, curled up in a corner, licking myself.

  • Quoyle (Kevin Spacey) is such a doormat it hurts. He's slow and simple and bland and amounts to nothing.

  • This is one of John Woo's earliest "violence as opera" efforts and it makes one painfully aware of how close this guy was to being a director of soap operas or women's douche commercials.

    A lot of