Brother Bear

Bomb Rating: 

I think that somebody at Disney messed up the title for this film. Isn't it supposed to be called "Brother Beer"? I mean, it's got Bob and Doug MacKenzie in it, so I'm pretty sure it's "Brother Beer." Sure, they're playing moose, but I think that the whole "Brother Bear" thing is simply some kind of distraction. This is clearly a movie that leads the moose -- and thus, leads children -- toward a life of alcoholism.

But I suppose if one ignores the alcoholic moose, it's a story about how a boy named Kenai (Joaquin Phoenix) learns to shit in the woods. See, he hates bears, kills one after his brother Denahi (Jason Raize) dies, and then is turned into a bear by the spirits. He then befriends a young bear named Koda (Jeremy Suarez) and learns that animals are good.

I'm starting to wonder if Disney movies aren't the places aging rockers go to make music when nobody wants to hear them croon anymore. I had enough of Phil Collins in his later years with Genesis, but then he had to go solo and torture people that way. Now, warbling for "Brother Bear," he's just a step above a child whacking a cello with a stick.

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Average: 2.7 (3 votes)

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