Bulletproof Monk

Bomb Rating: 

I'm not familiar with the "Bulletproof Monk" comic book that sparked this movie, but this is because I have known the soft caress of a woman and am thus excluded from the target demographic.

I'm not familiar with the "Bulletproof Monk" comic book that sparked this movie, but this is because I have known the soft caress of a woman and am thus excluded from the target demographic.

A monk charges his apprentice (Chow-Yun Fat) with protecting a sacred scroll that will grant absolute power to any who reads its verse aloud, then announces he is one day from retirement. One dead monk and many years later, Chow-Yun Fat is in New York City, seeking to pass the torch to Kar (Seann Williams Scott), a rough-and-tumble street kid who's learned to fight by watching bad martial arts movies, and is already on the Blockbuster wait-list for this one.

Together, they battle a pack of Nazis operating under the guise of a U.N.-like human rights organization. Is it just me, or is Hollywood the only thing keeping fascist dreams alive? Here I thought the lone remaining Nazis were discredited losers banished to scattered trailer parks, continually harassed by tornados and scabies. But no, apparently the Nazis control the U.N., have advanced brain-reading technology, feature hot Nazi babes named "Nina" and are one sacred scroll away from reclaiming world domination. So that's where my "Pat Buchanan for President" donation went.

Though "Bulletproof Monk" tries to deliver a "Matrix"-like fix, fans will be wondering who dipped their needle in rat poison. The only thing illuminating about "Bulletproof Monk" is that many of the scenes provide enough light to read by. If you like comic books, bring some.

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