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Hi you guys, long time no see.
I haven't been around to see you guys lately, and in the interim, a lot has happened. For one thing, two close family members passed away in about the last year and a half. So, I've been kind of not in the mood. Plus I've been responsible for a lot of the not so fun post death duties.
And there's another reason I haven't visited here. It just seemed like everybody was getting too mean, and I didn't want to have to deal with that. But now I have to...
Because you see, I was one of the offenders. To understate the matter rather severely, I was mean here to one of my co- workers, and she found out and found the posts. And now, to try to make up to her just a little, I'm posting a public apology to her as quoted below, at her request.
And I have a request too, please, please, please do not make things worse for me by responding at all. Please don't post snide or snotty comments or say anything negative about my co-worker. If you want to make fun of ME for being stupid, have at it, but please, please, please don't, do not, post anything negative about my co-worker.
I appreciate the heck out of your cooperation.
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Dear Jessalyn,
I am going to try to apologize here, like I did in person, with complete sincerity to you and total shame and mortification on my part. I really, really appreciate your letting me try to make this right to the extent that I can. I know nothing can truly take away the pain and embarrassment that I caused you, but I’m so very grateful that you’re letting me try. I don’t deserve it, but thank you anyway.
When you first started to work at RBK, I was very interested in getting you involved here. I wanted us to be friends. I wanted you to be successful. I wanted you to fit in. With what people have seen of our history together here, that must be very hard for you or anyone else to believe.
Things seemed to be going fine for a while. Then a conflict occurred, and during this time I was told that you were saying bad things about me to Chris, and there was a rumor from someone in the office that you were trying to get me fired. Instead of doing the reasonable thing and talking to you about it, I did a very unreasonable thing. I got very hurt and very angry and hostile, and because of that, several inexcusable, bad things happened.
We’ll start with bad thing number one, because it’s the most obvious. Because I’m very bad at hiding my feelings, pretty soon everybody in the office came to know that I was hostile towards you. And because of that, a “great divide” was created between not just you and me, but the whole rest of the office too. There was this heavy air of tension in the office between us, and it spread. This was incredibly harmful not only to the whole morale and efficiency of the office in general, but it was especially horribly unfair to you specifically. It even caused some people to alter their actions and attitudes towards you because of their perception of my feelings.
So first I would really like to apologize for this terrible strain and tension in the office that I have created with my hostility. I know how horrible it’s been and the uncomfortableness for you. You don’t want to have to come to work every day and feel that tension and stress all the time. It wasn’t fair or warranted. And I can promise you that that will change immediately - like a new beginning. I apologize to you and everyone else for this tense and stressful and harmful situation.
The second bad thing is so horrible I hardly know what to say. I certainly cannot defend myself, because it is indefensible. It’s ugly and hateful and hurtful, petty, mean and unprofessional. I sincerely never, ever thought you or anyone you knew would ever see it, and I am so very embarrassed and ashamed that someone did, that I have been on the verge of tears every single minute since I found out about it. I am so sorry. What you must think of me, I cannot even begin to imagine. I can only guess how it has embarrassed and hurt you. I am so very, very sorry. The whole thing just makes me sick to my stomach.
I really hate to repeat this part. It was hard enough to face the first time we talked about it, you have no idea. I think I would rather cut off an arm than talk about this again. But here it goes - a couple of years ago, I used to visit a certain website that had a chat area. People would talk about all sorts of things there. And whenever I got mad at you for whatever insane reason, I would talk about it there. And in doing so, I maliciously and cruelly repeated several horrible, ugly and rumors that I had heard about you which personally attacked you and your character and reputation in a particularly hateful manner, as well as personal information that really should have been kept highly confidential. This was so incredibly wrong, and so highly unprofessional, and so personally hurtful to you, I cannot believe that I did this horrible thing. I am so ashamed of myself. I repeated some ugly, horrible rumors there that should never have been repeated, I should never, never have written those things. I am so ashamed of myself, I can hardly stand it. For one thing, you’re absolutely right, if anyone who was interviewing you ever saw some of those things, it could kill your future in architecture. I never thought about that. Even worse, if your relatives had seen them, it would have broken their hearts, as it must have broken yours. It was terribly petty and mean and hateful of me to write those things like that. I have absolutely no right to ask for your forgiveness. I am so very, very sorry that I wrote them, and sorrier still that you saw them and they hurt you. I truly am.
I thought this web chat area was a private place, more or less, and that noone who knew you would ever see the nasty, ugly things I wrote or the rumors I repeated. But that is no excuse for writing them. Even worse, I made the incredibly horrible, stupid mistake of using your real name some of the time. I should have known, and now I do, that nothing on the internet is private, and by doing what I did, I made these nasty things public. I publicly insulted and humiliated and hurt you, and I am so mortified that someone you know found them and showed them to you, that I can barely face you. I am so embarrassed about the horrible things I wrote and so sorry that they hurt you.
I am in the process of contacting that website to have every bit of those horrible things removed ASAP. However, that does not erase the fact that they were there in the first place though. Nothing can make up for that, and I know that.
Please accept my very humble, very sorry apology for embarrassing you, insulting you, hurting and humiliating you the way that I did. I cannot ask for your forgiveness, because it is truly too horrible to forgive. But thank you so much for letting me try to apologize though, for letting me try to fix this mess and the tension between us. I appreciate it more than you can know, and I know I don’t deserve it.
Also please let me say that you have shown yourself to be totally classy about this whole thing, really, and very generous. I confess that I completely misjudged you previously, which is a mistake I’m not about to repeat.
Again, I am very, very sorry for all the pain and humiliation I caused you, and I am very thankful for your letting me have a chance to apologize and fix it.
Sincerely,
Karen
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Thank you.
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