The Cat in the Hat
Adults fondly remember animation past,
like "The Grinch Who Stole Christmas" and "The Cat in the Hat."
But Hollywood strangely prefers live action
and ruins those memories to its lone satisfaction.
Jim Carrey played Grinch; now Mike Myers plays Cat.
Though Carrey held his own, Myers falls flat.
Garish colors and quips do not a movie make,
but see it if you insist -- this is just my take.
Siblings Sally (Dakota Fanning) and Conrad (Spencer Breslin) are left home alone
by their mother (Kelly Preston), who's stuck at work on the phone.
Though they're instructed to leave the whole house pristine,
from nowhere arrives a one-cat wrecking machine.
His goal is quite clear: Show the kids how to have fun.
The audience, meanwhile, gets to have none.
All we learn in this town of neon-colored hordes,
is that product placement rules, which explains all the Fords.
This Cat's like a fart from which we all sit downwind.
He's a bit of Buddy Hackett, and a lot of Paul Lynde.
Though Myers tries to provide some unique comic thrills,
his Cat's about as funny as a stand-up in the Catskills.
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