The Cat in the Hat

Bomb Rating: 

This Cat's like a fart from which we all sit downwind. He's a bit of Buddy Hackett, and a lot of Paul Lynde.

Adults fondly remember animation past,
like "The Grinch Who Stole Christmas" and "The Cat in the Hat."

But Hollywood strangely prefers live action
and ruins those memories to its lone satisfaction.

Jim Carrey played Grinch; now Mike Myers plays Cat.
Though Carrey held his own, Myers falls flat.

Garish colors and quips do not a movie make,
but see it if you insist -- this is just my take.

Siblings Sally (Dakota Fanning) and Conrad (Spencer Breslin) are left home alone
by their mother (Kelly Preston), who's stuck at work on the phone.

Though they're instructed to leave the whole house pristine,
from nowhere arrives a one-cat wrecking machine.

His goal is quite clear: Show the kids how to have fun.
The audience, meanwhile, gets to have none.

All we learn in this town of neon-colored hordes,
is that product placement rules, which explains all the Fords.

This Cat's like a fart from which we all sit downwind.
He's a bit of Buddy Hackett, and a lot of Paul Lynde.

Though Myers tries to provide some unique comic thrills,
his Cat's about as funny as a stand-up in the Catskills.

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Ughhhhhh, I saw half of this film, a review is in order...

TMundo's picture

...once I finish watching it *ughh* the horror.

It's just so overloaded, with items kids will not get, at least the nut-cat doesn't smoke a ciggarette.

He says, "son of a *****," I'll admit, it's bleeped out,

it's too much for a parent when viewed with their sprout.

and even moreso what makes me run straight for the border,

is the illustration of a man with an obsessive disorder.

for the house must be clean, or mom will be cross,

when threatened with the arrival of her obsessive compulsive boss.

I know hollywood must add, I accept it, it's true,

to transform a small book, to an hour or two.

the film must be long, feature length is a must,

but come on now folks, this stuff is just nuts!

 

I saw 30 seconds of this

Decaf's picture

I saw 30 seconds of this film. then I decided to spare myself 

 ______________________________________

 ~MasterK

                 

ayo, wha-what?!!, Nobody be diggin ma rhymes?

TMundo's picture

This is Grade-A stuff folks, and Cranky's review was on-point!  MC-C. be buss'in da ill game son!

oh yeah, your post rhymed. I

Decaf's picture

oh yeah, your post rhymed. I guess I was spacing out and just skimmed it

 ______________________________________

 ~MasterK

                 

As for the film, at the first sight of the Cat in the Hat...

TMundo's picture

...he begins rhyming and then stops in the middle and says something to the effect of, "Oh, I'm just no good at this rhyming stuff!" which is the film basically making a cop-out joke on itself to allow regular dialogue to occur without all of it being in rhyme.  That makes it easier I suppose.  Look, I know rhyming isn't easy, but this is a Cat that throws the most surreal playful imagery and ideas that don't need to make sence, and the words don't need to be real.  Why is it a problem to write the lines in rhyme.  Albeit, I'm not a hollywood writer, but Dr. Suess isn't william shakespear.  He makes up fake words, that means if you can't rhyme stuff, you just make up a fake word and there you go.  Am I being too hard on the writers here?  I'm trying not to lambast someone's job but...

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