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Great review, Cranky - but this dismal disjointed mess is more than just Hollywood monsters having sex with each other. The whole film is a mishmash of everything we've ever seen before in cave movies, monster movies, underwater movies, bunch of folks trapped in a dark place being menaced by monsters movies... you name it, this film rips it off.
You'll be yawning: "Oh yes, this is Pitch Black" when a creature looking exactly like one of the aliens in Pitch Black comes screaming in at the camera, exactly like they do in Pitch Black.
You'll sigh: "Aah, yes, The Abyss" when two of the faceless nameless bunch left at the end swim underwater for too long and the woman needs CPR - just like The Abyss.
You'll hear noises ripped off from Predator... you'll see a lair like the queen bitch's in Aliens... you'll see all the other cliches like inexplicable massive repeated nuclear-sized fireball explosions from God knows what source...
But all this is making this junk seem like it's worth watching. Believe you me, there are a million and one things that you could do with a couple of hours of your life than waste them being insulted by this hopeless junk.
Like sitting in a cave, for example. In the dark. And repeating to yourself: "Why does Hollywood keep throwing away good money time and time again making feeble derivative shit like The Cave?"
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