08/24/00: now i feel kind of bad. am i alltogether there?

Posted By: mia_wallace


i read all about the soup bowls ed gein had and the skulls on top of his bedposts. my problem is i have always wanted a set of dishes made completely out of human bones. of course they'd be laminated and probably sit in a china hutch because i'd be afraid to use them for fear of cracking or chipping. but i think it would be kewl to have a set. and the skulls atop my bedposts would be really groovy. or a bedframe made completely out of human bones and skulls. that would be really kewl, i think. am i 'not right' to want these things? should i be worried about myself? i don't want to dig up bodies or kill someone to get them. but if someone were to maybe give me these things, there would be no questions asked. a dominatrix i used to work for collected medical supplies and instruments from the 1800's. you know those really nasty looking operating tools? she had a bucket with a real petrified human finger in it. now that's kewl. plus, in med school, i'm going to buy a whole human skeleton. they're expensive. am i just not right, or am i special to be able to want to do things like that. actually, now that i think about it, digging someone up would be kind of fun to see how they've decomposed. i used to want to dig up animals and poke at roadkill to see the rate of their decomposition, but my mom wouldn't let me. once i told her that, she kept a watchful eye on me so i never got a chance. i didn't want to kill animals, in fact, i would get very upset at the thought of any animal suffering or dying. except for flies. those i would torture and rip the wings off of. i did used to fantasize about being a psychopath. i would think about dressing all sexy, and seduceing guys then trapping them and tortureing them to death over a period of days. i would even read about how ancient cultures would torture victims and perfom wierd rituals over their bodies and i thought it would be neat-o to re-inact the scenarios. of course i would never do something like that because i know it's wrong and i would get caught. but since i am going to school to be a med examiner, i will know all the ins and outs of how police work and all the ways i could go about fufilling my fantasies. of course i never will do something crazy like that to someone else. it's just nice to know all that macabe stuff. now i'm sort of worried about myself. i'm not slipping or anything. the thoughts that go through my head would be sort of disturbing to someone. but the only thing that really has me worried, is that they're not disturbing to me. not in the slightest.


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