Chairman of the Board

Bomb Rating: 

In the battle against crap, it was an enemy blitzkrieg waged by the Testicle-Stomping Mutants from Hell.

Sometimes I think of myself as a general commanding an army in the war against crap. Sure, things are good when you're between battles and the interns are seeing to your every need, but when the time comes to step up to the front lines and repel a sudden advance of enemy forces, things are not so good. How does "Chairman of the Board" fit into this scenario? In the battle against crap, it was an enemy blitzkrieg waged by the Testicle-Stomping Mutants from Hell -- and guess who was the first forced to put his nuts on the chopping block.

Until I walked in the theater, I had never even heard of Carrot Top, which makes me wonder why executives at Trimark didn't think twice when the audience punched out the little hole for "no" under "Ever heard of main actor?" at the test screening. Apparently, this guy's major talent is having red hair because he's about as funny as paint fumes.

Let's just leave the plot at "loser-inventor inherits company." Any more explanation and my skull is likely to cave in since the very act of recalling this film is causing me to bang my head on the edge of my desk. The only person I heard laughing among the five people in the theater -- and I kid you not -- was a mentally-handicapped, limping Mexican who didn't speak English.

Let me reiterate: There really was a mentally-handicapped, limping Mexican in my theater who spoke no English and who laughed throughout the movie. I repeat this because I know you didn't believe it the first time you read it. You were thinking: "that Mr. Cranky, he really thinks up some zingers," but I'm telling you, it's true. I harbor suspicions that he was probably a Trimark executive.

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