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Let me tell you kids a little story about the utter awfulness that is Chairman of the Board. Sadly, this story is 100% true. One Saturday afternoon, your pal Broadway here, along with one of his buddies, was flipping through the channels and came across the beginning of a movie, which our cable info bar told us was Chairman of the Board, starring Carrot Top. After the initial shock of seeing Carrot Top's name associated with a motion picture wore off, we made a bet on how the movie would begin - Bway's buddy swore Chairman of the Board would start with a alarm clock going off, followed by Carrot Top sitting up in bed and hitting said alarm clock to turn it off. Bway, on the other hand, ingeniously taking a clue from the oh-so-clever title of the movie, put his money on a beach shot overlayed with a tasty rock tune. Wouldn't you know it, but Chairman of the Board, in what must clearly qualify as the most original opening sequence in movie history, begins with both. That's right, both: a beach/rock song sequence followed by Carrot Top pounding an alarm to wake up. One might think you good buddy Bway and his pal would have been proud of making the right call. One might indeed think that but one would, in fact, be quite incorrect. Rather, Bway and his buddy were sad that (first) a movie could be that awful and (second) that they had spent three minutes watching said awful movie. They declared their contest a draw, and went about reclaiming the precious three minutes lost watching the ridiculous piece of garbage that is Chairman of the Board. Mr. Cranky, your review was far too generous.
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