There's a reason director Roman Polanski isn't allowed into the United States anymore and it's not because he had sex with an underage girl. It's because he made "Chinatown", which contrary to public opinion is a boring, overlong, piece of self-indulgent pulp.

Quite frankly, I don't even know why it's called "Chinatown." It's probably because nobody could come up with a better title and because the movie ends in Chinatown, the filmmakers just decided to stick with that. Most of the film takes place in wider Los Angeles -- pretty much everywhere but Chinatown. It would have made more sense to call the movie "L.A." or "Reservoir."

The film has a lot to do with water and water rights and reservoirs and shit that couldn't be less interesting. One day, a woman (Diane Ladd) claiming to be Evelyn Mulwray walks into the office of private investigator Jake Gittes (Jack Nicholson) and asks that he investigate her husband, Hollis Mulwray (Darrell Zwerling). Gittes does and that starts a whole mess of complications. First of all, the woman isn't Mrs. Mulwray. The real Mrs. Mulwray (Faye Dunaway) shows up and Gittes realizes he's been had. Next thing you know, Mr. Mulwray is dead, nobody knows where his supposed mistress is, and things get even more complicated.

I won't go into the details other than to say that it deals with water rights and Mulwray is some kind of engineer for the city who used to have business dealings with Noah Cross (John Huston) and that Mrs. Mulwray doesn't seem real concerned that her husband had a mistress. Cross happens to be Mrs. Mulwray's father and their relationship is less than peachy. What else happens? Well, Gittes wanders around L.A. bumping into his old buddy, Lt. Lou Escobar (Perry Lopez), and looking confused.

I suppose all the relevant questions that the film sets up get answered, but it's a long, drawn out process watching that happen. France can keep Polanski as far as I'm concerned.