Bomb Rating: 

If I had known that all it took to establish oneself as a filmmaker was to spend twenty-eight thousand dollars on a cheap movie and make every other word of dialogue either "cock," "dick" or "blowjob," I would have filmed fraternity rush at the nearest college.

The funniest thing about this film on video is that it's now available as a special director's edition. What could possibly be special about it? First of all, this was a completely independent feature that director Kevin Smith funded with his own money. The original version WAS the director's edition.

As far as I'm concerned, Smith's release of a director's edition is like turning in your test after the teacher has already gone over the answers. What exactly was eating at Smith? Did he need to include that extra long shot of the cat taking a crap in front of the convenience store customer to add that lost sense of climax? After 451 "cocks" did the distributor finally put its foot down at number 452? With the long-awaited director's edition is Smith finally achieving a sense of closure because it's really that 452nd "cock" that gives the film its power?

Maybe he should advertise it as "Clerks, the Director's Edition. Now with extra cocks." If that works, watch for a "Clerks Limited Signed Collector's Edition" with the complete cock outtakes and an autographed picture of very instrument Smith relied on in making his enduring "masturpiece."

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