Connie and Carla

Bomb Rating: 

This film appears to be something of an homage to "Some Like it Hot", which is kind of like saying that a bum taking a crap in a dumpster is an homage to "Star Wars".

Nia Vardalos plays Connie and Toni Collette plays Carla, a couple of wannabe actresses who are making their living, if you want to call it that, at O'Hare Airport in Chicago doing stage shows for a handful of audience members who have wandered near their act by accident. When they witness a murder, they drive off to Los Angeles to hide. There, desperate for work, they pretend to be drag queens and become a hit stage act.

There is a tremendous amount to hate in this film, but it's curious that so many film critics are directing so much venom toward "Connie and Carla", comparing it unfavorably with "Some Like it Hot". Sadly, I think most filmgoers would agree that if you're old enough to compare anything with "Some Like it Hot", you should either be dead, retired, or truly embarrassed that you're that far removed from your core readership and completely unaware of the fact.

Perhaps a more modern and just comparison would be to "Day of the Dolphin" or "Splash" because whenever Connie and Carla came within ten feet of each other, one was reminded of dolphins in the wild as their high-pitched screeching seemed to cause dogs to howl in the distance. This is to say that character interaction is clearly not writer Nia Vardalos's strong suit. She appears to be drop-kicking her homosexual characters back into the dark ages of cinema with her ridiculously simplistic story and dialogue. The interaction between Jeff (David Duchovny) and his drag queen brother plays like something one might have seen on "Three's Company".

The audience is never for wont of a moment where they are not completely unconvinced that there couldn't be anybody in this world who wouldn't instantly recognize that neither Connie nor Carla look anything like a man in drag. Well okay, maybe Toni Collette kind of looks like a man, but before I'd mistake Nia Vardalos for a man dressed as a woman, I'd mistake her for a puppet. The longer their play acting lumbers on and the longer the other characters pretend they don't recognize exactly what sex Connie and Carla are, the closer we as the audience get to running full steam toward the screen and throwing ourselves through it.

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