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Once again, Moose the Dog (who plays Eddie on "Frasier") has been nominated for an Emmy. He and Susan Lucci should start a club... both have been nominated for thirty-five Emmys. And, neither one of them has ever won. Anyway, Moose may have just landed the role that will get him the recognition he deserves. The critics are all saying he should get an Oscar for his latest flick... the biography of Laika, the Russian Space Dog. You thought he was lost in space? Well, now, the whole story can finally be told. The whole truth, and nothing but the truth.
See how Laika was actually the leader of a militant group of revolutionaries consisting of alley cats and stray dogs who hoped to overthrow their Communist government. The Government feared Laika and so they sent him into space to get rid of him. They even sent evil Dr. Smith onto Sputnick to sabatoge the mission... so, yes, for a while, Laika was LOST IN SPACE. But, that isn't the end of his story. Laika luckilly found his way back to earth and landed in Roswell. But, he was unable to convince anyone who he actually was so he changed his name to Raspuppy and moved in with his Aunt Anastasia who was also having a bitch of a time convincing people who she really was!
Laika moved to LA in the hopes of writing a killer screenplay... for a propoganda film of course. He was always politically minded and wanted to change the world. Not only did he WANT to change the world but he believed he could. Now, Laika was no fool. He knew half the game in Hollywood was knowing someone with connections. And, that's when he met Lassie. They were married. Poor Laika had no clue Lassie was a boy dog until the wedding night. They promptly got a divorce the very next morning. Lassie did have connections though... however, he was pissed about being dumped so Laika was never able to get his foot in the door in Hollywood after this. Amazing how Laika and Moose the Dog's lives parrellelled like that from time to time, isn't it?
Laika now got involved in the music industry changing his name (yet again)... this time to Dog Meat. His first single "Suck My Dog Meat" was banned, and his music career never quite took off either. Especially since he was accused of sneaking Satanic messages into his songs!
See how Laika was actually the one to yell, "Run, Forrest! Run!"
Anastasia died (and, nobody could find the will), and Laika wound up sharing a crummy one room apartment with Elvis and Judge Krater above an A&P. Now, he was trying to get jobs in commercials but faced stiff competition with Morris the cat and the Tacco Bell Dog. Laika attempted suicide before getting into drugs and alcohol. Thus began his long and turbulent relationship with Liza Minelli in the basement of Studio 54.
After many years, Anastasia's will was found, and Laika inherited her millions! After a fight one night with Liza, Laika ran into Marilyn Monroe (who everyone thought was dead) at the A&P. The two of them went to a bar, had a few drinks, and got married. But, Laika didn't realize all the baggage Marilyn really carried around with her. The two of them were stalked constantly by Marilyn's ex, Charlie McCarthy. Charlie's sister, Candice Bergen, tried to step in and help Laika and wife but was no match for her evil big brother. Fearing for his life, Laika got a divorce from Marilyn.
Laika opened up his own chain of fast food restaurants. But, his success there was short-lived. All the years of drinking and drugging and partying had caught up with him, and he died about two months after his chain opened up.
Liza sang "How Much Is That Doggy In the Window?" at his funeral, and Marilyn Monroe delivered the eulogy. Four months later, she had taken an ax and chopped Charlie McCarthy up using some of his limbs for firewood. She's now serving time in the same jail as the Menendez Brothers.
The end.
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